


In Search of Silver Linings, We Discovered Gold

by Deliasbabe



Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Apocalypse, American Horror Story: Coven
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, F/F, Gen, Slow Burn, a non magic AU that no one asked for, foxxay - Freeform, goode-day
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-01-30 12:36:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 35,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21428326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deliasbabe/pseuds/Deliasbabe
Summary: Cordelia, a lawyer, is freshly divorced and ends up with a foster daughter named Lily, who works with Misty at her flower shop. Real slow burn, no one asked for this but here I am. Title inspired by the song "Sinners" by Lauren Aquilina.
Relationships: Misty Day/Cordelia Foxx | Cordelia Goode
Comments: 33
Kudos: 109





	1. Heart Made of Glass, My Mind of Stone

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter title inspired by "Lovely" by Billie Ellish. I just couldn't get this idea out of my head and I wanted to write a non-magic fic, also i've got writers block on all my other fics. Enjoy!

“Lil, are ya sure ya don’t need a ride home? It’s pourin’ out there.” Lily’s boss, Misty, called from her upstairs loft, although the 14-year-old didn’t even really know if she could call her a boss. Bosses didn’t let you crash on the couch when your roommate threatened to kill you, _again_. They didn’t let you work your own hours or invite you to stay for dinner, they didn’t ask about your grades or lightly reprimand you for skipping school, and they certainly didn’t buy you clothes when they noticed all yours were getting holes. She would maybe call the florist a friend, except she was a decade older than her and Lily didn’t have any friends, at least not any long term ones.

“Nah, I’m good! I like the rain, you know this.” Lily called back up the wooden stairs, laughing to herself as she pulled her IPod out of her backpack.

“What I know is that ya are gonna catch a damn cold!” Misty yelled, peeking her head around the corner, Lily rolling her eyes and smirking.

“I’ll lock the door behind me.” She said, turning on her heels and flinging the backpack over her shoulder, stepping out into the freezing rain. As soon as she heard the lock to the door click she worked on putting her headphones in both her ears. Only one side actually worked, but it kept anyone from trying to talk to her. Really, she should have taken the bus back to her group home, but she always liked to walk in the rain. She liked the chill she felt to her bones and the emptiness of the New Orleans streets. She liked to watch the children dance in the puddles while their parents begged them to stop. She liked to watch their crisp Sunday morning church outfits turn from bright pastels to murky browns, their big hats drooping from the weight of the water. She liked to watch perfect things become less perfect, it made her feel less alone.

Really, the cold rain was a much needed break from an unbearable summer. The city was crazy humid and had been for weeks, the sun shining so intensely you could see the heat waves radiating off the black pavement, distorting the very world Lily grew up in. It didn’t help that everything in New Orleans was dark, the streets, the buildings. Even the cars all fell into a color palette of blacks, greys and maroons, like bright colors were forbidden. That’s why Misty’s light blue convertible mustang stuck out like a sore thumb, it was always too colorful for this depressing landscape.

Walking back to the group home took much longer than taking the bus, but truth be told Lily didn’t really want to go back. Sure, it wasn’t the worst place she’d been in, truthfully it was one of the best, but it still wasn’t _good_. It was underfunded and short staffed, full of juvenile delinquents and kids that would explode for seemingly no reason. The only thing that made the place bearable was that no one seemed to give a shit what you did as long as you didn’t cause trouble, which worked out in Lily’s favor. It was the only reason she wasn’t being dragged to church every Sunday like the rest of the kids. It wasn’t that she didn’t have to go, but with so many kids causing issues it was easy for her to slip under the radar. All she had to do was make sure she got back before they did, or far enough after they did that she could have returned with them and left. It had worked for her every week for the six months she had been there, and as long as she was careful, it would keep working.

As Lily walked up the hill to the house, she spotted a couple cars in the driveway, letting her know that some of her caretakers hadn’t gone to church that day. _Shit_, she thought to herself, and she prepared to turn around and disappear for the next few hours, that was until she spotted a particular car in the driveway. She could spot that blacked out Edge anywhere, the car that screamed “Yes I’m a dad, but I’m a _cool_ dad!” It belonged to her social worker, David, who Lily loathed with every fiber of her being. It wasn’t that he was necessarily a bad person. In fact, he actually was relatively nice, but he was also fucking oblivious, and when someone is single handedly responsible for 95% of the bad things that happen to you, its only natural that you start to hate them.

The young girl was utterly confused, this was supposed to be her last placement, the throwaway spot for all the kids who no one wanted. It was the _I give up_ for all social workers who were tired of finding new places for their more troubled charges. But unless David had taken on another kid in the house, he was here for her, and with a sigh she headed for the door, mentally trying to figure out where she had left each and every one of her few belongings.

She walked through the door and into the kitchen, spotting one of the caregivers, Adrian, who threw her an unimpressed face. “Aren’t you supposed to be at church, Lillian?” She asked sternly, Lily giving her a shrug.

“I’m tired of getting shocked every time I walk in there. Figured the day of a storm wasn’t the best time to go, god might actually smite me.” Lily shot back sarcastically, watching Adrian’s face give the hint of a smirk.

“Lillian!” David said in an overly cheery voice, “I’m glad you’re here.” Lily was a nickname she only let people she liked use, she had always hated her full name, but she also hated David, and she didn’t want the name she actually liked tainted by his presence. She gave the man an obviously fake smile, her lips pulled too tight and her eyes too wide. “Still as happy to see me as ever, I see.”

“Why are you here?” Lily asked, cutting right to the chase. She hated small talk, or really any formalities of any kind.

“I’m breaking you out of here. I found you a placement I think you’ll really like.” David said, trying so hard to be funny and charming it was actually kind of embarrassing, and it was all Lily could do to not laugh.

“As much as I liked the last fourteen?” Lily asked sarcastically, watching David try his hardest not to glare at her.

“Would you just trust me on this?” David asked, Lily rolling her eyes, “Just go get your stuff, ok? I told her we would be there before dinner.”

“Whatever.” Lily said through gritted teeth as she turned and walked up the stairs, trying not to stomp her feet. She had just gotten into a rhythm here, and it was just like David to swoop in and fuck everything up. All Lily wanted was for him to just leave her the fuck alone. As she was throwing her clothes into her worn out duffle bag she paused for a moment, David’s words finally processing. _Her_? Not _them_? Lily had never been in a house with only one parent before, besides those few incidents when she went back with her mother, who always had a romantic interest around the house at some point. They didn’t let many single people get fostering licenses, something about the family dynamic and not being able to handle the kids on their own. So if this was a one parent situation, this woman had to be pretty damn impressive, not that it actually mattered to Lily. People were fucking liars, and the screening process for becoming a foster parent hadn’t really been proven to be thorough, at least not in Lily’s experience, or anyone she knew.

David yelled from the bottom of the stairs for Lily to make sure she was presentable, after all _first impressions matter_, but Lily couldn’t have cared less. Sure, her fingernails were caked in dirt, her hair soaked and her makeup beyond smudged, but first impressions hardly ever mattered. It was all some false bullshit the parents put on for the social worker, then as soon as the worker left the masks would come off, unzipping their decent human suits to reveal the real monsters underneath. She looked in the mirror only long enough to roll her eyes and pull her curly brunette hair into a frizzy ponytail, then grabbed her stuff and headed down the stairs.

“Buckle up.” David said as they hopped in the car, after some painful and fake emotional goodbyes, “It’s going to be a long ride.”

Lily rolled her eyes and slid down in the seat as he talked at her, not really paying attention to the spiel he gave her time and time again. She stared out the window and watched the city pass by her at lightning speed, hearing those key phrases that told her to nod or say yes. _Just give it a chance. Stay out of trouble. Be nice. Cut the attitude. This will be good for you._ Blah blah blah.

They passed by neighborhood after neighborhood, and still they didn’t stop. Lily started to notice the sky clearing as they moved to the other side of town, and as they passed by the last mediocre neighborhood and into what she liked to call “Rich bitch neighborhood”, she felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. Of course the sun was shining here, not a puddle in sight. The houses were all huge and white with pillars and expensive cars, the kids who were playing dressed in designer clothes that cost more than Lily’s entire life. This was where all the important people lived. Lily had only been there once before, with a group of other foster kids. They did exactly what you would expect stereotypical delinquents to do, they threw rocks and rolls of toilet paper at all the pretty things. But it was on the edge of town, and Lily knew they weren’t just passing through. This was literally her worst nightmare.

It was a pitty placement. The ones the social workers made out to be like Annie, but really it was viewed as a charity thing, the token foster kid. It got you all the brownie points in the world, and the foster parents showed off their disadvantaged child like the newest Gucci handbag. Lily could deal with the parents that only started fostering because they needed the extra income, what she couldn’t deal with was the parents who didn’t need the money, they just wanted the do-gooder status.

Eventually, David pulled into a long driveway with a blacked out Escalade sitting at the top, the house in front of them expansive and so very… white. It was like the fact that the earth was covered in dirt didn’t matter, like someone power washed the stone every single day without fail. The hedges were perfectly trimmed, the grass short and an unnatural shade of green. David caught the scowl on Lily’s face, letting out a sigh, “Lily, just try and be good ok? This could really work for you if you would just give it a chance.” Lily just glared at him, “Listen. I didn’t want to say anything until I knew more, but your mom was just released from jail. She’s doing her rehab and she’s back on her meds.”

“For now.” Lily scoffed.

“She wants to get you and your sister back.” David said, trying to ignore Lily’s outbursts.

“You mean the sister you won’t even let me see?” Lily shot back.

“Lily, you know it had to be this way. We couldn’t keep you two together, it wasn’t helping either of you. You get too aggressive when you two are placed together.” David sighed, “Listen, this probably won’t last for very long, a year at most, then you’ll be back with your mom and you can put this all behind you.”

“You said that the last three times you let her take me. I’m still here.” Lily said vehemently. 

“Alright, I’ll make you a deal, ok? If you don’t get into trouble here, I’ll see what I can do about getting you visits with your mom.” David offered, which only caused Lily to all but bite his head off.

“I don’t want to see her.” She bit, “Don’t waste your time.”

“Just… think about it, ok?” David said, getting no response from the girl, “Alright, well we should head in.”

Lily was slow to get out of the car, leisurely slinging her backpack over her shoulder while David stared at her, shuffling his feet and letting out a sigh. She really liked to annoy him whenever possible, and he knew it. It was petty really, but it was the one thing that made this whole shitty situation more bearable. David might control every single aspect of her life, but she could still push him around as much as she wanted, and she loved it.

Finally, she grabbed her duffle bag and slammed the car door shut, getting a groan out of David. “Do you have to be so rough?” He asked, Lily rolling her eyes but smirking the second he turned his back to her. She dragged her feet as they walked up the long driveway and towards the front door, trying to ignore the fact that her hands were shaking. Lily always liked to think she was tough, that she could handle anything and everything, but the fear of the unknown was the one thing that never failed to make her joints rattle. She didn’t know what she was walking into, and her previous placements had taught her to always prepare for the worst. It didn’t help that everything looked so _perfect_. Not a weed in the yard, not a flower unbloomed, not a speck of dirt or trash anywhere it wasn’t supposed to be. That’s what scared Lily the most, not that there would be monsters hiding beyond the black front door, but that there wouldn’t be. Hope was a dangerous thing, and Lily felt the heat of it swirling around in her stomach, to the point it was nauseating. She locked her jaw, her face becoming hard as stone as they stepped on the porch, David immediately crouching down to pick up a vase of roses that was freshly delivered. Of course it had to be flowers, the universes cosmic joke. It had to be the one thing that always brought Lily peace, made her feel safe. “Might as well bring these in.” David muttered under his breath, reaching straight for the gold handle on the door and opening it.

“You aren’t even going to knock?” Lily asked, scowling, “Doesn’t that break your rule of always being polite?”

“She told us just to come in when we got here.” David shot back, stepping through the now open threshold, “Hello? Anyone home?”

Lily stepped through the door and stood behind David, the social worker quickly moving to close the door behind her. Someone was home, Lily could hear the woman faintly arguing somewhere in the house. She sounded utterly pissed off, and Lily smirked as she heard the biting words. _So much for a first impression._ “Fiona, I have to go. I’ll call you tomorrow after the meeting.” Lily heard as the woman finally appeared in front of them, coming from the back right of the house and waving at them, a phone pressed to her ear as she rolled her eyes, “Yes I will. Goodbye.” She hung up and turned to David, apologetic, “Sorry about that, David. Come on in.”

She led the two to the kitchen, offering them something to drink, to which David declined and Lily just shook her head. Lily couldn’t understand why, but something about the woman felt familiar. It was like she had seen her before, but she couldn’t place where. She was tall and thin, her long blonde hair cascading past her shoulders in loose curls. Her big, dark brown eyes shifted from David to Lily continuously as she made pleasant small talk with the social worker, like she was scared to miss a single movement from either of them. By her outfit choice, Lily would almost assume she had just gotten home from work, except it was Sunday. She had on dress pants and a nice blouse, and Lily could hear her heels click as she led them from the entryway. The girl found minute details to pick on as to why she didn’t like this place, or this woman. She didn’t trust a woman who didn’t take off her heels the second she got home, or one who seemed to be the literal definition of perfection. She was tall and beautiful and not a single hair was out of place, not a single wrinkle or spot on her clothes. Her pants even had that crisp line down the legs that you saw in the movies. No normal person looked like that.

“These were on your porch.” David said, handing the roses to Cordelia “I thought I would bring them in for you.”

Cordelia stared at them and gave an almost convincing smile, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes, which peaked Lily’s interest, “Oh, thank you.” Lily watched her hold the vase for another few seconds as she shuffled it around in her hands, before finally deciding to set it down on the counter, pushing it away so it was just out of her line of sight.

“Oh, Cordelia, this is Lillian. Lillian, Cordelia.” David said, forcing the two women to finally interact. Lily made eye contact with Cordelia and looked the woman up and down carefully, sizing her up as if she was going to fight her here and now. Lily decided she could easily take her if she had to. The woman may have had her beat on height, but she was frail and soft, like a doll.

Cordelia seemed to read her mind, quickly flicking her gaze to David and back at Lily as she let out an uncomfortable laugh, “Well hi there. David told me a lot about you.”

Lily offered her an unenthusiastic half-smile. Even the woman’s kind, even voice made Lily want to scream. She noticed Cordelia staring at her, a mixture of confusion and intrigue in her eyes, and the girl glanced down at her dark green flannel to see it was covered in dirt and mud stains. Her light blue jeans were worse, the dark brown speckling the material and her bare knees covered in a greyish dust. Really, she should have been annoyed at Cordelia’s unwavering gaze, but for some reason it actually pleased the girl, at least that was a genuine reaction.

David threw her an unimpressed look, then looked apologetically at Cordelia, “Sorry, I kind of ambushed her. She didn’t have time to clean up.”

Cordelia let out a laugh and gave Lily a soft smile, “It’s not a problem. It looks like you had a good time.”

The situation was already painfully awkward, so Lily didn’t really feel the need to give a proper response, averting her gaze as she nodded slightly. Cordelia was quick to return to speaking with David, knowing she wasn’t really going to get much out of the girl, and Lily took the time to glance around and actually look at the place she would be living.

It wasn’t as big as Lily had initially thought, or at least it didn’t seem that way. The girl was expecting marble countertops and crystal glassware, but the kitchen was actually kind of cozy. It was still nice, nicer than anything Lily had ever lived in before, but it wasn’t as sterile as she was thinking, not as old and “rich”. It didn’t scream _I have money_, and the rest of the house didn’t seem that way either. It had obviously been remodeled at some point, given that if Lily had to guess it was over a hundred years old. Old houses were filled with tiny rooms that were closed off, but the floorplan seemed more open, or at least partially open. It wasn’t one giant space like the studio apartment Misty had, the rooms were definitive but still flowed together. There were enough walls to have privacy if you chose, but it was easy for Lily to look through the kitchen and into the living and dining rooms.

“So, I’ll give you two some time to get to know each other. I’ll be back for our meeting later in the week, ok?” David said to Cordelia, breaking Lily’s train of thought. Cordelia thanked him and moved to show him to the door, David glancing at the girl and smiling, Lily offering him a grimace back.

Cordelia showed him out then returned to the kitchen, seemingly forgetting the girl’s presence as she grabbed the vase of flowers and threw it in the trash. “You don’t like flowers?” Lily asked, startling the woman as she whipped around, her eyes going wide as she realized she wasn’t alone.

“No I do… I love flowers… I… uh…” Cordelia stumbled, her face going pale and beet red at the same time.

“Don’t like who sent them?” Lily asked, noticing the woman’s face relax as she nodded and absentmindedly moved to spin a non-existent ring on her left hand. _She was married_. Lily had always been good at picking up on things, reading body language. It was a survival skill, being able to pick up on things without having to ask. The less questions the better, and Lily knew it had to be a habit Cordelia had for years, if she was still doing it even when the ring was gone. It could have also been a long engagement, but Lily didn’t really think Cordelia was the long engagement type. She was the type who dated to marry, perfectly traditional, which is why the house threw her for a loop so much.

“Are you hungry? I can make you something?” Cordelia offered, trying to think of something to fill the empty air. She was already nervous about the whole thing, and the girl’s stoic presence didn’t help matters at all. Sure, she wasn’t exactly expecting her to be warm or particularly chatty, but she also wasn’t expecting her to be this… scary? Nothing about her should have been particularly terrifying, she was all of 5’3 and maybe 120 pounds, probably less given how baggy her clothes seemed, it was hard to tell. She was tiny yet her presence was like a giant, her blue eyes hard and unforgiving. They followed every tiny movement the woman made, incredibly alert at all times. Her face stayed painfully neutral, as did her voice. It didn’t waver, it didn’t rise or fall, just an emotionless void. It was like she knew Cordelia was nervous, like she could sense it, and all it did was put the woman on edge.

“No thank you, I’m ok. It’s kind of early for me.” Lily said, trying her best to be polite.

Cordelia nodded, the conversation dying out again. The woman wasn’t used to this, she was used to people who liked to hear themselves talk, to polite chit chat, not utter silence. Lily didn’t seem at all inclined to fill the dead air, which was unnerving, Cordelia had never met a child who didn’t like to talk. _Maybe she’s just shy._ But she didn’t seem shy, if anything she seemed very sure of herself, very no nonsense, but at least she seemed polite. _Relax, she’s just a kid_. “I can show you to your room?” Cordelia offered, if anything than to give them something to do besides stare at each other, Lily nodding back at her. She moved towards the stairs, her heels tapping on the wooden planks as the girl followed behind. “This was the guest bedroom, but I figured you would want to redecorate yourself when you got here.” Cordelia said, opening the white wooden door.

Lily didn’t even glance in the room, which Cordelia noticed, but she still said “This is fine.”

“Um, there’s a bathroom in suite, that way you don’t have to worry about other people coming in or anything like that, not that it would happen often anyways.” Cordelia rambled, Lily finally glancing into the large room, a queen sized bed with a gray comforter right in the middle, a stark contrast to the white walls and furniture, and the girl cocked her head to the side once she spotted a macbook laying in the center of the bed, which Cordelia noticed. “Oh, I got you a laptop, I figured you would need it for school…” Cordelia rambled, before pausing and shaking her head, “We can talk about all that later. I’ll give you some time to settle in and unpack your things. Dinner will be ready at about 7, is that ok?” Lily just nodded, “Ok, well I’ll be right down the hall if you need me.”

“Thank you.” Lily said politely, Cordelia glancing at her briefly before deciding to head to her office, trying her best to not sprint down the hall.

Once she heard the shower running she quickly pulled out her phone and dialed her best friend Coco, putting it on speaker. As usual, the other woman picked up on the third ring, like clockwork. “How is she?” Coco yelled from the other side, “Tell me EVERYTHING.”

“I’m already screwing everything up.” Cordelia groaned, dropping her head into her hands.

“Oh shut up.I’m sure you are doing great.” Coco said, “Relax.”

“No! I’m fumbling like an idiot.” Cordelia whined, “I’m a lawyer for Christ’s sake this shouldn’t be this difficult.”

“Babe, take a breath.” Coco said, “I mean, this is basically a weird first date, except she’s still coming home with you whether you put out or not.”

Cordelia held in a laugh, “Coco, she’s a _child_.” Truthfully, this was exactly why she called Coco, her wicked sense of humor always made the woman forget about her own anxieties.

“Tell me about her.” Coco said, obviously trying to distract her friend.

“She’s quiet, like scary quiet.” Cordelia explained, taking her phone off speaker as she heard the shower turn off, “She’s said maybe five things since she got here, and I’m just panicking and rambling like an idiot.”

“Is she an asshole?” Coco asked seriously, making Cordelia snort, “I’m serious. I’ll kick her ass if she is.”

“Coco, she’s not an asshole, she’s a teenage girl who just got dumped here. I get it, the quiet, I do, but it’s just unsettling.” Cordelia said before groaning, “Oh, I didn’t even tell you the worst part. Hank sent me flowers _again_, and I totally forgot she was there because she’s _silent_ and I threw them out right in front of her. She probably thinks _I’m _the asshole.”

“Did you tell her about Hank?” Coco asked.

“No. Thankfully she kind of caught on and dropped it, but she probably thinks I’m insane.” Cordelia answered, “I hoped because the divorce was finalized that I wouldn’t have to say anything.”

“You should just tell her. Everyone has a crazy ex. I have five.” Coco responded, making Cordelia roll her eyes.

“I’m trying to make a good first impression.” Cordelia stated.

“Well you already told me you fucked that up, so try again.” Coco responded, making Cordelia chuckle.

“I want her to feel safe here.” Cordelia said.

Coco let out a huff, “Babe, she’s a foster kid. I’m sure this will be the safest place she’s ever been, even with psycho Hank.”

Cordelia sighed, “I just… I don’t want to screw this up.”

“Alright, you need to give yourself a break. Relax. This is the hardest part. Of course it’s awkward, you don’t even know each other yet. Just give it time, I’m sure she’ll loosen up.” Coco said, trying to be reassuring.

“Ok.” Cordelia said, starting to feel better, “Thank you.”

“But just so we’re clear, if she is an asshole to you, I _will_ throw down.” Coco said seriously, Cordelia letting out a snort.

“Goodbye, Coco.” Cordelia said teasingly.

“Bye babe! Love you!” Coco yelled.

Cordelia hung up the phone, laughing to herself for a moment before she dropped her head into her hands again. Had she made a mistake? The social worker was surprised when Cordelia had picked Lily over a younger child, especially given that Cordelia had let them know she was open to adoption. They pulled out picture after picture of different kids, little kids, but for some reason the woman had her heart set on Lily, even though she was told that the girl’s mother was still alive and in and out of her life. Cordelia couldn’t explain it, not even to the social worker. The teenager just looked familiar, and despite her original plan to take a younger child, she was stuck on her. Her file was a mess and Cordelia knew it, even without actually reading it for herself, David’s hesitation told her that. But she was adamant, and now she was starting to regret it. She wasn’t regretting it because of Lily or anything she did. Hell, she barely even knew the girl. She was regretting it because of her, because she didn’t know if she was actually ready to be a parent. All it took was for the girl to say nothing and Cordelia was rattled, god forbid they actually have a disagreement about something.

She tried to busy herself with work, because even on weekends there was always something to do, but she really couldn’t focus. How the hell was she supposed to do this? Raising a kid is already a difficult task, even more so when you have a teenager that you know absolutely nothing about. Teenagers are temperamental and broody; god knows Cordelia was when she was at that age. Still, she couldn’t help but relate to the girl. She knew what it felt let to be dropped off and left with complete strangers, feeling like no one cared about what happened to you, and that feeling was the one thing that gave her hope that maybe, just maybe, she could make a difference.


	2. Come On Make It Easy, Say I Never Mattered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW// Self-harm, mentions of suicide and abuse  
Chapter title from the song "Young Volcanoes" by Fall Out Boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, apparently I don't have writer's block on this fic. I already have like the first 10 chapters planned out. TBH I'm stuck on my main fic. I know how I want it to end but I want to make sure I'm doing it right and not making it rushed, so I'm trying to figure out how. Thanks for being patient with me.

Eventually, Cordelia had to start dinner. She wasn’t much of a cook, but thankfully she only had to worry about that on weekends, during the week she had someone do it for her, since a lot of the time she was stuck working late. Oh god, she hadn’t even thought about her work schedule. Most nights she wasn’t even home until after 9pm. Would she have to get a nanny? Did fourteen year olds even _need_ nannies? Sure, she could adjust her schedule somewhat, go in earlier and make sure she didn’t schedule any late meetings, but that wouldn’t fix the issue completely. Most of the time she stayed late because something came up at the last minute, and she couldn’t really avoid that.

Lily wandered down a little after 7, spotting Cordelia standing over the stove with her back to her. Cordelia didn’t even hear her come down, so when she turned and saw the girl she just about had a heart attack, jumping a foot in the air. “Oh, god!” She yelled before grabbing her chest and laughing a bit, “Sorry, I didn’t even hear you. You scared me.” Really, the woman was more confused than anything. The house was old and creaky, especially the stairs. You could hear when someone was coming from a mile away, even if they had the lightest of steps.

“Sorry.” Lily said quietly, ducking her head.

“Oh, it’s fine. Don’t even worry about it. I made chicken if you’re hungry.” Cordelia said before her eyes went wide, “Oh shoot, I didn’t even ask. Do you eat meat? Because I can make something else…”

“Chicken is fine. I’m not picky.” Lily said with a hint of a laugh at the woman’s panic, “Where is everyone else?”

“Hm?” Cordelia asked, confused.

“Don’t you have other kids?” Lily asked, noticing how the woman only grabbed two plates.

Cordelia let out a bit of a laugh, “No, it’s just us.” Lily nodded slightly, and Cordelia took the opportunity to crack a joke, if anything than to loosen the girl up, “Explain a lot?” Lily let out another, more genuine laugh as she nodded, “Thought so. Sorry, I’m kind of new at this.”

“It’s fine.” Lily said.

The two sat down to eat, eating in silence for a few minutes until Cordelia thought she might go insane. “So, Lillian.” She said, the girl looking up at her, “Tell me about you.”

Lily’s eyebrows creased, a look of confusion sweeping over her features, “Didn’t they give you my file?”

“Well, yes.” Cordelia began, “But that doesn’t really tell me about you.” Lily nodded but it was obvious she didn’t really know how to answer the older woman, so Cordelia tried to make it easier for her, “What do you like to do?”

“Um, I don’t know, I like to read I guess.” Lily said quietly. Really, she was trying her hardest to be polite, but it had never really been her strong suit. She just didn’t get why Cordelia was trying to get to know her, none of her other foster parents had ever tried to. It was pointless to get to know a kid who would probably leave in six months.

“Oh, well I have a library here, you are more than welcome to use it as much as you like!” Cordelia said enthusiastically.

“Oh, thank you.” Lily said shyly as the room fell into silence again, “So what are the house rules?”

“What?” Cordelia asked.

“The house rules, like what rooms I can’t go in, what I can’t touch, house chores?” Lily prompted.

“Oh, I didn’t even think of that!” Cordelia said, obviously feeling like an idiot.

“I figured.” Lily said with a laugh, trying to hide her sarcasm.

“Well, you are welcome to go anywhere and touch anything. What’s mine is yours.” Cordelia said earnestly, watching as a flash of doubt cross Lily’s features, “We probably should set a curfew.”

_What? Is she joking? _Lily had never had a curfew in her life, the closest thing she had ever experienced was her foster parents locking her out for the night if she came home too late. She knew kids had curfews, but that was normal kids whose parents actually gave a shit about them, not her. “A curfew?” She asked, hoping the woman would say she was kidding, if anything than to ward off the irritation Lily felt peaking up.

“Yea, like 9 on school nights, 11 on weekends? That sound ok?” Cordelia asked, Lily just staring back at her, “What?”

“Nothing, just never had a curfew before.” Lily said, trying her hardest to not be upset. Luckily she wasn’t a big fan of staying out late anyways, but still the absence of choice bugged her, especially considering she didn’t have much choice over anything else in her life.

“Really?” Cordelia asked, doubtful as Lily nodded. Who the hell would let a kid roam the streets of New Orleans at all hours? “Well… we’ll just use that as a baseline then.” She said, standing from the table and going to open a drawer and grabbing something, then walking back to the girl, holding a new iPhone out to her, “Here, you’ll need this. I already put my phone number in there. The curfew will just be a general rule, but if something comes up and you want to stay out later, just call and ask, ok?”

Lily was hesitant to grab the phone, but she did after a moment, “Uh, ok. Thanks.” This whole situation was just weird. Rules were always rules; it didn’t matter if Lily liked them or not. I mean, she understood Cordelia was new at this and some things would probably be different, but if anything she expected the older woman to be stricter.

“Oh, and the only real chores you would have would just be cleaning your room and picking up after yourself. You know, normal stuff.” Cordelia said, confused as to why the girl was looking at her like she had three heads, “I have a housekeeper that comes in a few times a week to take care of everything else.”

“You have a housekeeper?” Lily asked, trying to keep her tone neutral and far less sarcastic than what she wanted to say.

“Well, yes. I’m a lawyer, corporate, so I have a lot of late nights at the firm, it doesn’t leave me with much time to clean unfortunately.” Cordelia explained with a snicker.

_You don’t have time to clean but you have time for a kid?_ Lily thought, and it was almost as if Cordelia could read her mind, or maybe it was just plastered across her face.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be spending most of the next week here so we can get you settled in, buy your stuff for school, stuff like that.” She said, Lily being quick to jump in.

“I have a job.” She blurted, “I can pay for my own stuff.”

Cordelia was shocked, “You have a job? Are you even old enough?”

_Shit. _Technically, Lily wasn’t old enough to have a job, Cordelia was right about that. Misty paid her under the table, but truthfully Lily would still work at the shop even if she wasn’t paid, she just felt calm when she was there. “I mean, it’s not technically a job. I just go and help out my friend at her flower shop, it keeps me busy.”

Cordelia let out a laugh as she nodded, finally understanding why the girl was covered in dirt, “So you like flowers, huh?”

_Why does she keep asking me what I like?_ Lily could feel her cheeks flushing, a feeling she hated more than anything, “Uh, yea. I guess.”

“Well,” Cordelia said with a wave of her hand, “You don’t need to worry about that. I’ll take care of you, and you’ll need to save that money for when you can’t work during the school year.”

“What?” Lily asked, the looming anger written across her face, “I’m not quitting.”

“Well, you’ll have to focus on school.” Cordelia said carefully, “St. Ursula’s has a pretty intense curriculum to prep you for college. It’s going to take up a lot of your time.”

“Wait, St. Ursula’s?” Lily asked, not even trying to hide the irritation in her voice now, “The _private_ school?”

“Yes.” Cordelia said, not understanding exactly what was getting the girl so worked up, “I’m good friends with the headmistress and she pulled some strings to make room for you. You’ll start next week.”

“I don’t want to go to private school.” Lily stated, her expression turning stone cold and her eyes blazing.

“I know this is a big change for you, and I get it…” Cordelia said softly, trying to be understanding.

“No, you really don’t.” Lily said harshly, “Public school is just fine.”

“Lillian, the public schools in the area just aren’t on the same level as the private ones. You’ll have smaller class sizes and better opportunities.” Cordelia said, trying to reason with the girl. Lily just sat in silence, glaring at the woman, so Cordelia tried to talk her down, “Listen, I know this is going to be an adjustment for you, but it’s my job to make sure you have the best opportunities and this is it.”

“No, your job is to make sure I don’t die, that’s it.” Lily bit, watching Cordelia physically recoil at the harshness of her words and knowing she pushed too far. Normally, she wouldn’t have cared, in fact she normally pushed as far as she could just to see exactly what kind of person she was dealing with. But for some reason Lily felt guilty, so she shook her head and started to stumble out an apology, “I’m sorry, that was…”

Cordelia’s eyes immediately softened, “It’s ok. I know today has been a lot for you.”

If it were any other house Lily would have gotten hit or at the very least yelled at, and the woman’s response confused her more than anything. Cordelia could see it dance across her features, which was a drastic difference from the rock-like girl she had met a few hours prior. Why was she being so nice? It momentarily crossed Lily’s mind that maybe it was because _she was nice_, but she quickly pushed it away. No one was ever that nice, at least not for long. “Look,” Lily said, “You really don’t have to try to get to know me. Everything you need to know is in my file.”

Cordelia looked stunned for a moment before her expression turned to one of empathy and a little concern. It was obvious the teenager was conditioned to believe that was all that mattered about her, and it explained a lot about why she couldn’t really talk about herself. More than likely none of her previous homes had even bothered to learn more than her name, and it broke the older woman’s heart. “I haven’t read your file. I wanted to meet you first.” Cordelia said honestly, watching the girl cock her head to the side momentarily before righting herself. While Lily crafted her responses carefully, she didn’t seem to filter her expressions as much, probably because no one paid attention to them enough to notice, but Cordelia did, and she was thankful she had learned to be so observant. It was like having the same conversation with two different people, the Lily that was talking seemed to have everything figured out, she wasn’t nervous or confused, but the other Lily _was _nervous and confused, she wasn’t able to figure the woman out quite yet.

“Why? Did they just dump me on you?” Lily asked.

Cordelia let out a small laugh at the girl’s bluntness, “No, they didn’t just dump you on me. I picked you.” Cordelia watched the girl’s face become more confused, and she already expected a second, slightly sarcastic _why _to leave the girls lips, “I don’t really have an explanation for it, I just did. You looked familiar to me for some reason, that’s the only explanation I can give you. And I didn’t read your file because I am well aware that CPS is just looking to cover their asses. Your file is a biased documentation of where you have been and why you left. It isn’t _you_.”

Cordelia watched Lily’s eyes soften, but only slightly. “What exactly are you looking to get out of this?” She asked bluntly.

“What do you mean?” Cordelia asked.

“Well you aren’t in it for the money, and if you wanted a kid to raise you certainly would have picked one much younger than me. So why do it?” Lily asked.

Cordelia paused for a moment, “That’s a good question, but I’m not really sure I have an answer. The only thing I can tell you is that I know what it’s like to feel like you have no one, even when you have parents or a family, and I know that who you are around can make a big difference.” Cordelia watched the girl nod as she ducked her head, giving the older woman a glimpse behind the mask the girl had worn for so long. “Lillian, I promise, I just want to help you. That’s it.” Lily looked up at her and there was a moment where the lawyer could see the girl look vulnerable, but it was only a mere second before the girl put herself back together, setting her face once again, which just made the woman’s heart sink. “Come on,” Cordelia said, standing from the table and grabbing their now empty plates, “I’ll give you a house tour.”

“Oh, I can do the dishes.” Lily offered, moving to grab the plates from Cordelia’s hands, but the older woman merely shifted them out of her reach.

“Don’t worry about it.” Cordelia said with a wave of her hand as she tossed the plates in the sink, “The housekeeper will be in tomorrow to do them anyways.” Instinctually she reached and grabbed Lily’s hand, feeling her jerk at the touch, which made the woman’s chest ache, but she still looked at the girl with an excited smile, “Come on!”

They started downstairs with the living room before moving upstairs, Cordelia showing Lily the two other guest bedrooms, Cordelia’s room, the bathrooms, the laundry room, Cordelia’s office, and the TV room, because apparently the living room downstairs was “formal” and couldn’t have a tv. She showed Lily the game room, a dark green room filled with an air hockey and pool table that looked suspiciously like a man-cave, before showing her the library. It wasn’t an overly large room, as all the room’s seemed to be well proportioned for their given tasks, but it was big, with tall bookshelves completely covering the walls, filled to the brim with books old and new. The room didn’t exactly seem to fit with the rest of the house, it was cluttered and dated, the only clear spot on the walls being the large bay window that sat opposite the door, the cushy seat covered in warm blankets that weren’t folded perfectly, and it had an old brown leather couch that was covered in cracks. It smelled like old books and dust and coffee and something spicy, a stark contrast to the clean vanilla-ish scent the rest of the house was filled with, and Lily quickly decided this was probably her favorite room in the entire house. It looked loved and lived in, and for the first time since arriving the girl felt the tension release from her shoulders as she took a breath.

Cordelia watched as the girl took it all in, smiling softly at the girls bright and shining eyes. The woman rarely showed anyone her library, due to its stark contrast with the rest of her house. It wasn’t that she was ashamed of it, on the contrary, she was protective over it. It was a collection of her entire life, of the books she found at flea markets and the couch from her first apartment and the blankets her friends had knitted for her during her law school days. She never really thought anyone would appreciate it the way she did, at least not until now. It was the least nice room in the entire house, yet Lily looked at it with almost a sort of affection.

“Come on,” Cordelia said quietly, taking the girl’s hand once again, “There’s one more thing I think you’re really going to like.”

Lily cocked her head to the side, wondering what she could possibly like more than the library, but she still followed the woman, more out of curiosity than anything else. Cordelia led her down the stairs and through the kitchen, slipping out the back door and into the backyard. Lily thought she was going to show her the pool, completely unaware that the girl couldn’t swim, but she walked past it without even bothering to mention it, which only peaked the teenager’s interest further.

Then, she spotted it. A tiny building covered in hazy windows, ivy winding its way up the brick walls. It wasn’t a typical greenhouse, more like an old guest house that had been converted. Lily wouldn’t have even thought it was a greenhouse if she didn’t see the copious amounts of leafy foliage sitting just inside the windows. As soon as they stepped inside Cordelia flicked on the lights, a series of exposed lightbulbs hanging from the rafters, although with the amount of light given off by the setting sun it wasn’t really necessary. The air was humid and dense and smelled of earth and leaves, a scent that would disgust almost anyone who hadn’t decided to make a home in it the way Lily did. She felt her head finally clear from all her turbulent thoughts as she breathed in, the way it only did in Misty’s greenhouse, although this didn’t look much like Misty’s greenhouse at all.

Misty’s greenhouse was all windows with a dirt floor and plastic tables you could buy at Walmart. It was good for its purpose, but it wasn’t exactly pretty. This place was smaller, with less light. A little more industrial and less flower child, with big rectangular windows covering the exposed brick walls and unfinished wooden plank floors, the ridges filled with dirt that had been stomped down over time and had a slight sheen. The plastic tables were replaced with long wooden benches and the tall ceiling was covered in skylights. There weren’t any flowers, but there were lots of grasses and other types of plants, and Lily was quickly able to discern that Cordelia used the space mostly for herbs, based on the copious amounts of basil and cilantro she smelled in the air.

“Sorry, it’s kind of messy. I don’t usually show people this.” Cordelia said, her cheeks blushing slightly as Lily looked at her and smirked a bit.

“It’s fine. I like messy, prefer it actually.” Lily said, trying to relax the woman a bit, although she didn’t know why. She normally liked when others were uncomfortable, especially around her. It gave her a sense of power, being able to make even the most dominant of type’s knees shake. It was a normal she had lived in for so long, so why was she changing it now?

Maybe it was because she understood it, being ashamed of the messy. The rest of Cordelia’s house, besides the library, was perfect. It was tasteful and modern and slightly homey and neat, it was what she wanted the world to see her as, put together and respectable and just kind enough. But this, the clutter and the dirt, this was Cordelia’s insides, the not so perfect side to the perfect lawyer. It was in that moment Lily realized that maybe Cordelia was more like her than she thought, a little guarded, just like her, although Cordelia was definitely better at making it appear that she wasn’t than Lily.

“And why is that?” Cordelia asked, Lily looking at her with wide eyes. Normally, she would have said something sarcastic, and she could see that the older woman was waiting for it, a small smirk on her lips. Apparently, she had figured Lily out pretty quickly, which should have made the girl push harder, but instead she cracked, just a bit.

“Because it’s real.” Lily said honestly, trying to put into words the very thing that had always brought her even a bit of comfort. It was more complex than that, and Cordelia knew it, but she also seemed to _get_ it, the words that weren’t said, because when Lily looked at her, her eyes were warm and soft and bright, with a small smile to match. Messy was home to Lily, it didn’t hide behind the bullshit. It was loud and forthcoming and didn’t find itself folded neatly into drawers. It was the late night conversations where feelings came tumbling out, the frazzled attempt to locate your favorite sweater, getting lost late at night and laughing about it. It wasn’t polite conversations and a clean house, it wasn’t proper, and it always came out in time. Messy was the one thing that made Lily _feel_ something, it was where she belonged.

“This is the place I always go after a hard day, just something about it is safe.” Cordelia explained, not that she really felt like she needed to. Lily nodded, and she prepared for the woman to say this was the one place that was off limits, knowing her previous foster parents had always stopped her from encroaching on their getaway spot. “It’s mostly herbs, I’ve never been particularly successful with flowers, but I’m sure you could help with that.” Cordelia snickered, “You’re welcome to use it whenever you like.”

Lily whipped her head around so fast she thought her neck might snap, she definitely wasn’t expecting that. “Are you serious?” She asked, trying to stomp out the excitement swirling in her stomach. _There has to be something wrong with this place. Nothing in your life is ever this nice. _

“Of course I’m serious.” Cordelia laughed, watching Lily’s confused face and eyeing the girl curiously. She was a peculiar child, Cordelia had to give her that. It was almost like she was expecting something to pop out at her, to say she was being punked, and the longer it went without it happening the more her sturdy disposition slipped. Cordelia could faintly hear her voice rise in excitement, but it was only a whisper behind the neutral level she spoke at all times. It was like she was afraid to show emotion with her voice, that any indication that she was a living, breathing person was a sign of weakness. On the surface, she seemed like a moody, sarcastic teenager who hated everyone and everything, purely disinterested with this life. Maybe it was Cordelia trying desperately to find a connection with her, maybe she was being delusional, blindly optimistic, but she saw something in her, a real kid just begging to get out, she just didn’t feel like she could. “You are welcome to whatever I have in here, or anywhere for that matter. We can even get some flowers tomorrow, since I know you like them so much.” Cordelia said with a smile, watching the girl snap back into the stoic face she knew so well.

“Uh, thank you.” Lily said, politely but flatly, and Cordelia resisted every urge she had to shake the girl or hug her, she really didn’t know which she would rather do. _Just give it time_. She felt the frustration growing behind her eyelids, not at Lily of course, the woman knew she was merely a product of how she was raised, although Cordelia felt very strongly that Lily had mostly raised herself, which only aided the frustration she held with every single person who had made the girl into what she was. Cordelia understood it, she really did. She had acted the same way Lily did when she was first dropped off at St. Ursula’s, years of abandonment and abuse taking their toll on the child and making her reserved, distant. It wasn’t until she had found a home with the headmistress, Myrtle, that she really felt comfortable enough to open up and pursue her personal interests, although she didn’t think she was as guarded as Lily was. Cordelia was always soft hearted; she couldn’t pull of the harsh mask she tried to put on like Lily could. She never could be her mother, she could never instill the fear of god into anyone she met, but Lily could, and Cordelia was desperately hoping her gut wasn’t wrong, because she didn’t know if she could deal with raising Fiona.

The two went inside and Cordelia got Lily settled into her room for the night, reminding her that if she needed anything the woman was right down the hall. She closed the door and headed to her room, changing into pajamas and sitting crossed legged on the bed, trying to figure out exactly why she was so drawn to the girl. Maybe it was because she was like Fiona, with her smart remarks and terrifying presence. Maybe that’s why Cordelia wanted to break her resolve so badly, because then maybe it would mean her mother wasn’t the presence Cordelia had always thought she was. Maybe, just maybe, if she was able to get Lily to warm up, it would prove she could do the same with Fiona. But the more Cordelia psychoanalyzed herself, the guiltier she felt. Was this all just a ploy for her own selfish desires? A desperate attempt to fix her own mommy issues? Was she projecting onto this child? Maybe Lily just was like this, stone faced and flat. Maybe that was all she was and Cordelia couldn’t change it. Maybe she was doing more harm than good.

Luckily, her phone started going off, drawing her out of her certain downward spiral. “Hello?” She said, picking up when she saw her best friend’s name on the screen.

“Just checking to make sure she hasn’t pulled a Bates and killed you yet.” Coco said, “Queenie’s here and she told me about that time her eerily quiet foster brother tried to slit her throat, so I got worried.”

Cordelia let out a laugh. Queenie was a law school student who was a secretary at her office, and Cordelia’s friends had quickly become obsessed with her. She was actually the one who had given Cordelia the idea to foster a child, given that Queenie was a foster kid herself. “I’m still alive.” She said in a joking voice, but Coco had known her long enough to be able to pick up on the uneasiness of her tone.

“For now?” Coco joked, “Is she creepy? Or are you just panicked as always?”

“She’s not going to kill me.” Cordelia said, making Coco laugh.

“So then what are you panicked about? Seems like smooth sailing to me.” Coco joked.

“I realized she reminded me of Fiona and now I’m wondering if I’m just projecting into her.” Cordelia said bluntly, “I mean, I think she’s not as rough as she seems, but she could be and it could just be that I don’t _want_ her to be that way.”

“Wow, that’s a lot to unpack there.” Coco said, Cordelia growing quiet.

“Maybe I made a mistake.” She said softly, Coco groaning.

“Cordelia Goode, you are a grown ass woman and she is a tiny child who you don’t even know yet. Fiona is a selfish bitch who will never see the error of her ways because she’s delusional. I’m not saying the girl isn’t a psycho because she very well may be, but I highly doubt a 14-year-old who has spent their entire life being thrown from place to place would be as out of touch with reality as Fiona. Her whole life has been a hard reality check. It’s a defense mechanism.” Coco said, catching Cordelia off guard, although Coco was never one to shy away from truth bombs, they just usually weren’t this serious, “And you aren’t projecting anything besides your blind belief that everyone in this world has some good in them. Which isn’t a bad thing to project on a kid who _has_ no one to believe in them.”

“She’s right!” Queenie yelled into the phone, Cordelia giggling slightly.

“Babe, Listen. You don’t think she’s a serial killer, which is already a step up from your mother. Don’t let Fiona fuck you up and ruin this. You wanted this.” Coco said seriously, “You are going to be just fine. You were literally made to be a parent.”

Cordelia let out a sigh, “Thank you. I think I just needed to hear it.”

“Anytime, babe.” Coco said, “So I’m assuming it didn’t get any better after I talked to you?”

“Yes and no.” Cordelia said honestly, “Dinner was a train wreck. After dinner we did a house tour and it got better, or at least I thought it did. I don’t know, it’s hard to tell with her.”

“So she’s not a tiny ball of anger?” Coco asked, Cordelia laughing.

“No, she’s definitely fiery, I can tell you that. But I don’t know, it all kind of seems forced? It could just be me reading too much into it…” Cordelia trailed off.

“So you’re saying she’s a fake bitch?” Coco asked.

“No. I’m not saying that.” Cordelia said with a laugh, “I’m just saying she seems guarded. Like she thinks she has to be this… I don’t know, this robot?”

“Like a weird dominance thing?” Coco asked.

“Maybe. Or like she was expecting something very different when she got here. She just seemed confused by all of it.” Cordelia explained, “I don’t know, maybe she’s used to something else or a different way of doing things. It will probably just take some time to adjust.”

“You would think as a foster kid she would be extremely adaptable by now.” Coco joked, making Cordelia roll her eyes.

“Actually the lack of stability makes them cling onto routine and control wherever they can.” Cordelia explained, “So it makes sense. I just don’t think I actually grasped what that meant until she got here. I didn’t think me saying she was going to private school would have caused the fight it did.”

“Well duh, you just told a teenager she’s going to have to wear an ugly uniform every damn day, I would be pissed too.” Coco said, “When do I get to meet her?”

“Never.” Cordelia joked, Coco groaning.

“Cordelia, I am literally your best friend. It is my right; you are legally obligated to introduce her to me so I can scope her out.” Coco said seriously, “Unless you are still on the fence about keeping her.”

“I know I’m keeping her, Coco, at least until her mom gets custody back.” Cordelia said seriously, “So that’s out of the question.”

“I wouldn’t rule it out until you actually read her file.” Coco said, “Babe, I know you want to give her a fair shot, but you really should at least look at it so you know what you’re getting into. It’s not like you have a big strong man around to protect you. You’re in a very vulnerable position.”

“Coco, I can take care of myself. She’s tiny, like super tiny.” Cordelia said, Coco scoffing.

“So what? I was tiny in college and I still could drink any guy under the table. Size doesn’t matter it’s how you _use_ it.” Coco argued.

“That’s not even in the same _category_, Coco.” Cordelia groaned.

“Well if you won’t let me meet her then you at least have to read it, for my sanity.” Coco said.

“You can meet her, just not right this instant. I want to get her settled and comfortable with _me_ before I introduce her to anyone. I don’t want to scare her and you can be a handful.” Cordelia argued.

“Excuse you, I am a fucking _delight_, ok?” Coco scoffed.

“I have to go.” Cordelia said, slightly teasing.

“JUST READ IT.” Coco argued, making Cordelia roll her eyes.

“Goodbye, Coco.” Cordelia teased.

“Goodbye, you stubborn ass.” Coco said shortly, which only made Cordelia smile as she hung up the phone.

Cordelia rose from her bed and went to do her normal nighttime activities, taking off her makeup and spotting a key ring sitting next to her sink. _Shit. I forgot to give her the house keys._ She had made a copy of the set earlier in the day, but she must have forgotten them upstairs. She briefly debated on just waiting until the next day, not wanting to bother the girl too much, then mentally kicked herself for being nervous. _She’s a kid, she’s fine. Just go give them to her._ Cordelia wandered out of her room and down the hall, seeing the sliver of light still pouring out from under Lily’s door. _Of course she’s still awake, what teenager goes to bed at 10 pm? _She stepped closer to the door, trying to keep her nerves at bay as she knocked twice.

Inside, Lily was sitting in her bed, writing in her journal like she did every night. It was a stupid thing really, but it was the one thing that seemed to keep her sane amidst all the chaos. When she heard the knock she was startled, immediately throwing her journal down on the bed next to her. Since when did adults _knock_? In Lily’s other homes her foster parents never hesitated to barge into her space, she was basically their property. “Uh, yea?” Lily called out, Cordelia quickly opening the door and tossing the keys on Lily’s bed.

“Almost forgot, you’re going to need house keys.” The woman said cheekily, throwing the girl a smirk. Lily looked downright startled, and Cordelia instinctively scanned the room quickly to make sure she wasn’t doing anything troublesome, but really all she saw was a notebook splayed out on the bed next to her along with a pen. Whatever she was doing she obviously wasn’t comfortable with sharing, so Cordelia decided to give her the benefit of the doubt.

“Oh, thank you.” Lily said softly, fiddling with the hem of her oversized t-shirt that she had changed into for the night. Cordelia couldn’t help but smile slightly at how young the girl looked, her face makeup free and her curly hair cascading down past her shoulders, blending in with the black, vintage t-shirt. Without the makeup her eyes were big and doe-like, a piercing icy blue that was a stark contrast to her almost black hair and pale skin. She just looked softer, more human.

“I figured we would go get you some clothes and things for your room tomorrow, that ok?” Cordelia asked, Lily nodding back at her, “Alright, I have a conference call at 9 but once that’s over and you are up we’ll head out, ok?”

“Yea, I’m usually up way before then.” Lily said with a wave of her hand.

“You are?” Cordelia asked, obviously surprised. She really thought she would have to drag the girl out of bed.

“Yea,” Lily said, “When I work with Misty I’m usually there by 6am, so I’m used to it.”

“So you’re a morning person then?” Cordelia asked, Lily grimacing.

“I wouldn’t go _tha_t far.” Lily said, chuckling at the end as Cordelia let out a laugh.

“Alright well I’m heading off to bed, since I’m not much of a morning person either.” Cordelia joked, “You know where my room is if you need anything?” Lily nodded, “ok, well goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Lily said quietly as the woman shut the door. She quickly picked up her journal and read her latest entry, trying to make sure she covered everything.

_8-11-2013_

_Well, David showed up again with his bullshit cheer and terrible khakis, whisking me off to another place with the empty promise that this one will be better. It’s never better, even if it seems that way to begin with. Eventually the newness wears off and I’m back exactly where I was before, even if the landscape is different. Cordelia seems different, at least from what I can tell, but I’m sure that will change once she realizes exactly what she’s dealing with. She hasn’t even read my file yet, which is fucking weird, ok? I can’t tell if it’s because she is naïve or if it’s some sort of ploy to get me to trust her, which isn’t happening. I’m here for maybe a year, I certainly am not about to form some sort of weird connection. She can’t help me, as much as she wants to, or as much as she tells me she wants to. I can’t be helped, that’s been proven time and time again. This is just another pit stop on my ride through hell. Yea, that’s what this is. Hell. Sounds fitting, doesn’t it?_

_There’s an issue though, as much as I don’t want to, as much as my heading is screaming at me to hate her… I kind of like her??? Ok, maybe not like, but I feel like I could like her… maybe. Not sure yet. She seems normal, which is terrifying because I’ve never had a foster parent that would qualify as normal before. Only time will tell I guess, and I’m not optimistic._

_Is this what life is for me? Just waiting for the other shoe to drop? That’s what it feels like, like I’m holding the wires to a thousand time bombs with no timer. I’m not doing anything, not trying to stop them, just waiting for them to go off and finally take me out. Which one will it be? Will I get sent away before I’ve even unpacked my bags? Will my mother finally get me back just so I can disappear? Will I finally end up in juvie? Stay tuned I guess._

_P.s. She just gave me house keys, and knocked. And I actually cracked a joke. What the fuck is going on._

Finally, Lily closed her notebook, sliding it under the bed and lodging it between the bed and the frame. She knew trying to sleep was pointless. She never could sleep in a new house, but her head was too loud for her to do anything else. She just needed a moment of silence, a moment where she could actually breathe. She threw the covers back and stretched her legs before settling her feet on the hardwood floor, crinkling her toes at the cold sensation. The springs didn’t squeak when she finally lifted herself off the mattress, which only reminded Lily that this place was different from the others before it. This house was quiet, soft, and all it did was put Lily on edge. She tiptoed to her back pack and rummaged through it, pulling out a small Altoids tin out of the bottom, then tiptoed to the bathroom. Really, she was lucky she had her own, that she didn’t have to worry about Cordelia hearing her in the middle of the night, not that she did this often. She sat down on the toilet and pulled the hem of her t-shirt up, exposing a series of scars that decorated her upper right thigh.

Fifteen. Fifteen houses in 11 years, and with each new house came a new scar. Even she had to admit it was fucked up. She didn’t know why she did it, it just happened one night. And every first night in a new home from then on out. It started the last time she was placed with her mother, when she lost her shit and slapped Lily across the face. After her mother stormed out, Lily locked herself in the bathroom so she wouldn’t have to deal with her mother’s boyfriend, and she found a broken razor. She pulled it apart and held the tiny blades, and without even thinking she sliced her own thigh, wanting to feel something, _anything_, and it worked. With each deep cut she made she felt stronger, more resilient. She felt _better_, and soon she had a slice for every foster home. She kept the broken blades until they got rusty, then went out and bought a new set. It had become a sort of ritual, and she had tried to break it, she really did, but if she didn’t do it that first night it would drive her crazy and she would obsess over it. It became less of a need to feel something and more of a need to _do _something.

For the first time, as soon as she held the blade in her hand she felt a pang of guilt. What if this place was actually good? Lily shook her head as she pressed the blade into her skin, just deep enough that it would certainly scar. It wouldn’t be good, none of the homes were ever good, that’s why she had the scars. A physical reminder that she was there, that this shit happened. Her files were doctored up beyond belief, every story she told twisted so she was the problem. There was no record of the trauma, the broken bones, nothing. Nothing to signal the emotional turmoil that followed, nothing but those scars. This house would be more of the same, another scar she would hide behind sarcasm and plaid skirts. She cut higher up this time, knowing her wardrobe would soon be reduced to blazers and skirts that fell no more than three inches above the knee. She didn’t want to risk someone seeing her scars, they were only for her. No one could know.

Once the bleeding had stopped she put the razor blade back in its tin, standing and curling her toes under her feet once again. She walked toward the light switch and flicked it. _Off. On, off. On, off. _She walked over towards her door and did the same thing to the light in her room, after all she was a creature of habit. _Off. On, off. On, off._ Finally, her body relaxed as she slipped into bed, pulling the covers up to her ears and sinking down, counting the ripples in the purposely uneven ceiling.

Meanwhile, Cordelia had slipped back to her office. She had promised herself she wasn’t going to do it, that she wasn’t going to read it until she had a good idea of who Lillian was, but she couldn’t help herself. She wanted to know. She wanted to know why this girl was the way she was. She wouldn’t say she was necessarily scared of her anymore, just intrigued. The woman quickly walked towards her desk and picked up the file, holding it by her fingertips. “It’s not going to change anything.” She muttered to herself, trying to convince herself she would keep an open mind. She had seen these files before, tried cases that involved foster kids. She knew how inaccurate the files were, the grotesque way they painted literal children who were just trying to survive. _But this wouldn’t change anything_.

Context, she just needed context. That’s what she told herself as she crept back to her room, file in hand. As she passed by Lily’s room she watched the light go dark, then flicker back and forth. She paused for a moment, but then shook her head and continued her trek. _Those light switches are old. It probably just got stuck._

Now, she sat crossed legged in her bed with the file opened in front of her. _It won’t change anything._ and it wouldn’t, at least Cordelia didn’t think it would. It was just a roadmap, a place to start. A blind sketch. _Right? _Or maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it was accurate. Cordelia didn’t really want to call the girl in and ask her, not that she believed Lillian would actually tell her what happened. She didn’t seem very keen to share her stories, not that Cordelia necessarily blamed her.

_Extremely aggressive._

_Flight Risk._

_Aversion to authority, particularly men._

Those were the first three notes on her file. A summation of her 14 years in nine words. Cordelia flipped through the file page by page. Lillian was removed from her mother’s care when she was 3 years old and placed into the system, negligence being the cause along with a note that the mother had “Multiple untreated mental disorders”. Her first home lasted a year, but it was noted Lily would cry whenever the father got near her and she was removed for being too difficult and throwing tantrums. Her second and third houses noted similar issues, along with her being overly aggressive with her foster siblings and purposely running into walls and getting herself hurt, which made Cordelia scoff out loud. She then was placed back with her mother for nine months, then removed after a series of failed drug tests. The file noted she was also severely emaciated which made Cordelia’s stomach knot.

As Cordelia read on the numbers kept ticking up, each placement short and always with the same reason for removal, too aggressive. She bounced back and forth between foster homes, group homes, and her mother. She had been returned to her mother four times in total, each only lasting a maximum of 9 months. The reasons she was removed varied from mental illness to abuse to officers finding an unregistered gun in the home, and each time she was thrown back into the system. It was noted after her third return to her mother she became particularly aggressive in her foster homes, but of course there wasn’t an investigation into _why_, and it was always deemed her fault.

Lillian’s eleventh home was where it got particularly interesting. There was no note about her being aggressive, she was removed because her foster sibling, and the parent’s biological child, committed suicide. The parents asked that all foster children be removed, and that was that. The twelfth house noted that Lily had ran away twice, and she was removed from the home after threatening her foster father with a knife, but the parents decided to not file charges. The thirteenth house was a similar story, except this time she threatened to assault _both _parents and ran away for six months, which was unsettling to Cordelia. Obviously, she wanted to believe there was a legitimate reason, and there probably was in Lily’s mind, but there wasn’t any documentation as to why. It peaked the lawyer’s curiosity, one would think in a situation like that there would be documentation of the reason simply to show that the child was indeed at fault, but Lily’s file never gave a reason, it was simply glossed over and she was moved into her placement before Cordelia, a group home where she didn’t seem to have any issues whatsoever.

As Cordelia closed the file she felt conflicted. The young girl didn’t really seem like a threat to anyone but herself, but then again Cordelia didn’t really know her that well. Maybe the fight that had earlier was only the tip of the iceberg, maybe there was someone dangerous underneath. _Stop it. She’s a child. You know that file is bullshit. It’s why you didn’t want to read it. _But Cordelia did read it, and now she knew. She couldn’t just shove that aside, could she?

But despite the horrible things she read, Cordelia couldn’t deny that she felt connected to the girl, that she saw something others didn’t. Her file had been weaponized, designed to scare off anyone who dared to come too close. _They want to scare you because they don’t want to be held accountable_. The file had scared her, temporarily, but it was designed to. If no one could get close to the girl, if they were scared of her, they would fight harder to keep her under control. No one dared to question the file, well no one except Cordelia. The file was a muzzle, it gave no context, showed no evidence, it was just _here it is and you better believe it_. It was meant to control Lillian, to keep her from talking, and Cordelia didn’t like that one bit.

She finally got it, why Lily was the way she was, why she was so adamant that Cordelia read her file. She knew what it was, its purpose. No one asks a crazy teenage girl what she likes to do, no one cares as long as they don’t get stabbed. It almost appeared to become a weapon of her own. It allowed her to keep up the façade that Cordelia had seen slip. It scared people, pushed them away, that way Lillian wouldn’t risk being attached, wouldn’t risk getting hurt. She took what was in her file and built a very convincing persona around it, maybe she even believed it, and that made Cordelia more upset than anything.

Really, her only option was to actually talk to Lily about the files contents, and she wasn’t sure Lily trusted her enough to do that yet. Maybe she never would, maybe Cordelia would forever be wondering. The older woman pushed those thoughts away as she turned out the light, whatever she had learned couldn’t be dealt with right away, she would just have to wait until morning.

If she made it to morning.


	3. Hey Now, Don't You Be Afraid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Self Harm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title from the song "You're Safe" by Rachel Platten.  
I'm thinking about making a tumblr so I can take requests for one shots and such. Do you guys think that's a good idea?

The next day was equally as awkward as the first. Lily still wasn’t much of a talker, and their ride to the mall and back was mostly filled with silence. Lily didn’t fuss much when Cordelia had her try on the different parts of her uniform, picking up five skirts, five button up shirts, and three blazers, along with enough knee high socks to last the girl weeks. Afterwards, Lily fussed when Cordelia tried to get her to pick out her own stuff for her room, saying what she had was fine. She put up a decent fight when Cordelia tried to buy her other clothes, the older woman finally getting the girl to concede once she brought up that Lily wouldn’t _always_ be in uniform, and even then she only picked out a couple things.

Cordelia began to notice some of the girl’s weird quirks over that next day. Lily mostly kept to her room, only leaving when Cordelia specifically called for her. She tried to leave that morning without having any breakfast, and when Cordelia told her she had to eat she looked downright confused. Once they returned home after, Lily retreated to her room until dinner, never coming out to get any snacks, despite Cordelia repeatedly telling her she was free to grab anything anytime she liked. It was almost like the girl didn’t believe her, and Cordelia tried her hardest to not think about what circumstances had made distrust so ingrained into her psyche.

Lily had asked that night at dinner if she could go to the flower shop the next day, and Cordelia had agreed, knowing she was going to be in conference calls all day. It was the only thing Lily had asked for in the two days she had been there, and Cordelia tried to not seem too excited about it in front of her in fear of scarring her off or convincing her the woman was actually insane. The older woman was trying not to push too hard, there really hadn’t been any fights or incidents since the first night. She wouldn’t consider the disagreement they had in the mall a _fight_, if anything the girl had just seemed uncomfortable with the whole thing, which made Cordelia wonder if she had spent most of her life paying for her own clothes. She never had the courage to ask her, not about the clothes or her file or anything. She just didn’t want to push, afraid of what the outcome might be.

So there Lily sat the next day, on a plastic table in the greenhouse, venting to Misty and anyone who would listen. “The whole thing is just fucking weird.” She ranted, “I went from being able to do whatever the fuck I wanted as long as I didn’t get arrested to having a _curfew_ and going to _private school_ with the rest of those entitled brats.”

“Lily, would ya just relax? It’s probably not going to be that bad. Plus, ya could use a little structure.” Misty argued, smirking at the girl.

“Did I mention there’s _uniforms_? With _skirts_?” Lily retorted, Misty laughing.

“Ya are right, that is a nightmare for ya.” She teased.

“Don’t I know it.” Lily groaned.

“How’s ya new foster family?” Misty asked.

“Oh no, not foster _family_. Foster _parent_, as in _one_. Cordelia.” Lily said, obviously being overdramatic, “You ever try and have a one on one conversation with a complete stranger? It’s the most painful thing in existence.”

“We talk ta strangers every damn day, Lil. Ya do just fine.” Misty argued.

Lily huffed as she swung her legs back and forth off the edge of the table, “Yea, but that’s for like an hour and it’s easy to talk about flowers. I know about flowers. This is for hours on end, and she keeps asking me shit about what I like and how I’m doing.”

“Ya mean like a normal conversation?” Misty teased, Lily rolling her eyes.

“Literally no foster parent _ever_ has had a normal conversation with me. They usually don’t even talk to me, and honestly I kind of prefer it that way. How the fuck am I supposed to know what I like to do? Why does she care?” Lily rambled.

“Ever think that’s because she _does _care? Come on, she might be nice.” Misty teased, Lily rolling her eyes.

“Oh don’t be ridiculous. Misty, no one who takes on a foster kid is _ever_ nice. They are all fucked up, every single one. She’s no different, as nice as she seems. It’s fake, it has to be. She’s covering something up, I just can’t figure out what.” Lily said, Misty shaking her head in mock disapproval, “You know she insisted on dropping me off _and_ picking me up? And she gave me a phone with a GPS so she can _track_ me, like some fucked up hunting thing.”

“Lil, that’s called being a _parent_.” Misty argued.

“How would you know? Your parents were shitty too. It’s not parenting its _control_. She wants to know what I’m doing every second of every day. I can’t stand this; I can’t take it.” Lily said, being very much aware that she was making up excuses as to why she hated that place. “She’s too nice. Like startlingly nice. She’s going to crack.”

“And I’m assuming ya are gonna be the one that makes her crack?” Misty said, throwing the girl a look, “Lily, do not screw this up by pushin’ just because you can’t get behind the idea that someone maybe, just maybe, is actually bein’ nice ta ya and _means_ it.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Lily said sarcastically, “Listen, I’m not going to do anything, but I don’t trust her, not one bit. My life is the one whose being jerked around like a tether ball. I get to bitch, ok?”

“Whatever ya say, Lils.” Misty said, laughing at the girl’s stubbornness. She loved Lily, she really did, but even Misty could see the girl was a self-sabotaging mess. She was untrusting and far too eager to assert her dominance over anyone she came into contact with. The only reason she didn’t with Misty is because she knew the woman wouldn’t let her get away with it, and it didn’t hurt that she had known Misty since she was 11. Misty let out a sigh as the girl continued to rant, after all, she was only hurting herself. Misty knew the sweet girl that was hidden underneath that tough exterior, she knew how funny and sarcastic and caring she was, she just didn’t let anyone see it, and it killed the woman, because she knew Lily deserved so much more than she got.

Later, Lily sat at the dinner table across from Cordelia, trying to muster up enough courage to get through yet another unbearable meal. “So, how long have you been working at the flower shop?” Cordelia asked after a few moments of silence, trying to get the girl to talk about literally anything. She knew it was going to take time, and that the first few days would be awkward, but she certainly didn’t expect it to be this hard to communicate.

“A few years now.” Lily answered politely, secretly hoping Cordelia would ask her more about the job and the flowers. Flowers she could actually talk about.

“And you said the woman who owns it is a friend?” Cordelia asked, Lily nodding.

“Yea, Misty. She’s really nice.” Lily said, her mind landing on at least one thing that would make it seem like she was actually engaging with the woman, “I think you would like her.”

Cordelia looked back at her, utterly surprised, “Oh really? Why is that?”

Lily shrugged and went for a joke, “She talks a lot.”

Cordelia couldn’t help but grin, at least now she knew that Lillian was totally aware of her lack of communication. “And I’m assuming that’s why you _don’t_ talk as much.”

Lily gave another shrug, “I just don’t really have anything to say. Talking has never been my strong suit.”

Cordelia let out a chuckle, at least she was getting somewhere, “Well we can work on that. What are your strong suits?”

_Oh god. More questions about me._ “I don’t know.” Lily said with a shrug.

And that was where Cordelia hit another dead end. She really couldn’t be upset with the girl, she was at least _trying_, she just didn’t know how to answer. Maybe introspective questions weren’t the best way to come at this. She was a child, after all, and she was young enough that she probably had no idea what her strong suits were. _But she did know what they weren’t. _“Well, what do you do at the shop?” Cordelia asked, “I’m assuming you don’t just sit there all day.”

“No I do stuff, it usually varies.” Lily said quickly. Flowers, she could talk about flowers. “Sometimes I’ll spend the whole day in the back watering them and pruning. But I do basically everything, I cut flowers, arrange them, teach customers about them. Stuff like that.”

“You teach people about flowers?” Cordelia asked, Lily nodding, “Don’t they come into the shop so they don’t have to grow them themselves?”

“Well yeah, but there’s a lot more to it than that. Each type of flower has a particular meaning, like roses are for romance.” Lily explained, getting slightly excited “Sometimes people come in and want a certain type of flower that is totally wrong for the occasion just because it has a specific look. It’s our job to teach people about the meanings and make them something that not only looks pretty, but is appropriate.” Lily noticed Cordelia smiling widely at her, and she realized she maybe got a bit too excited, averting her gaze and lowering her voice, “At least that’s what Misty says. She refuses to sell roses to someone who says they’re going to a funeral. It’s actually really funny. People get so mad.”

“Well it seems like she taught you well.” Cordelia laughed, “Why does she care if someone brings roses?”

“Well, it’s because flowers are believed to draw in their meaning. Sort of like manifestation, I guess. You don’t really want romance at a funeral, it’s just not a good idea. You surround yourself with flowers that match the energy you want to pull in.” Lily explained, trying to keep her excitement contained.

“So, if I had someone who refused to leave me alone, what flowers would I get?” Cordelia asked, Lily catching onto the very specific situation.

“Verbena, Anemones, Heathers and Daffodils.” Lily said after thinking for a moment, “There are a lot you could get, but those would be the best ones.”

“And why is that?” Cordelia asked, utterly intrigued.

“Well Verbena and Anemones are for protection. Heathers bring good luck, and Daffodils are for rebirth and new beginnings.” Lily answered calmly.

“You think I need protection?” Cordelia asked, amused.

“I mean it’s not a bad thing to have. Everyone could use a little protection.” Lily said with a shrug.

“And what flowers would you get for you?” Cordelia asked, trying to see if she could wiggle out even just a sliver of more information from the girl.

Lily paused for a moment, she knew it was a loaded question, but then again Misty did say she should give the woman a chance. Still, Lily hated feeling vulnerable, and she quickly decided that she would tell the woman her flowers, but refrain from giving an explanation. “Queen Anne’s Lace, Protea, Hydrangeas, and Iris.” She said simply, Cordelia smirking back at her.

“And why would that be?” She asked, Lily returning the smirk.

“Guess you’ll have to figure that one out on your own.” Lily said cheekily.

“Lillian.” Cordelia teased, but pretended to be stern, “You really aren’t going to tell me?”

“Google it.” Lily said with a shrug, slightly testing the woman. Misty was right, she couldn’t push her until she exploded, but she could get a good sense of Cordelia’s character by how she handled Lily’s slight defiance. Cordelia didn’t seem at all upset, in fact, she seemed almost amused, a small smile playing at the corner of her lips. She certainly didn’t have a quick temper, but what Lily was concerned about was how explosive her temper was. There were the people who got angry often, but who weren’t nearly as volatile, and then there were the slow burners, the ones who didn’t lose it often, but when they did they _lost it_. That was what the girl was really concerned with, and she really hoped she never had to find out.

Just then, Cordelia’s phone went off, the woman glancing down at it and scoffing, then ignoring the call. “I was wondering how long it would be before she called.” She snarked, “I’m not dealing with her right now.”

“Is it a client?” Lily asked, realizing she had never really asked Cordelia about herself.

“Well, yes. But I have a _personal_ relationship with her.” Cordelia explained, “Not a very good one if you can’t tell.”

Lily let out a chuckle as the phone vibrated again, Cordelia rolling her eyes. “Just take it. Better to get it over with.” Lily said, “I can clean up down here.”

Cordelia rolled her eyes but nodded, standing from the table with her phone in her hand, “Just throw the dishes in the sink. Me or the housekeeper will deal with the rest of it.”

As Cordelia disappeared up the stairs to her office, Lily worked on cleaning up. She rummaged through the cabinets for Tupperware, not really knowing where anything was. She hadn’t spent much time in the kitchen. Really, the only time she was there was when Cordelia called her down for dinner, she had learned very early on not to take food without being invited, and it had gotten her in trouble more than a few times in the first five years she was in foster care. Once she had finally located the plastic bins in the proper sizes, she went to work on scooping the food out into them, then placing them in the fridge, being careful to not move anything from its current position. She set the dirty dishes in the sink, and she tried to walk away like Cordelia said, but she found herself walking back in and out of the kitchen. She needed to do the dishes. She just had to. She couldn’t deal with the mess in a kitchen that was pristine. So she quickly checked over her shoulder to make sure Cordelia was indeed still in her office, and she went to work, trying to get them done as fast as she could.

Maybe it was just her being used to doing chores, but having dirty dishes gave her anxiety. She could deal with messy things being messy, but Lily had learned she didn’t do too well with things that were supposed to be clean being messy. Leaving dirty dishes was like walking away from a hurt kid, she just couldn’t do it. She could deal with the dirt in the greenhouse or the clutter of the library, but she couldn’t deal with a messy room or something being out of place, it just sent her into a panic. Things had to look balanced, they had to fit, and there was no place for a heap of dirty dishes in an otherwise spotless kitchen.

Cordelia had wandered back downstairs sometime before the girl finished, watching her for a moment. She had told the teen she didn’t have to worry about the dishes, but she really wasn’t going to fault her for actually doing them. It was just interesting, most kids would be ecstatic at the idea of not having chores, but Lillian seemed to be unsettled by it. Maybe it was the routine thing, maybe it was too much to change all at once, or maybe she just really liked cleaning. She had offered to do the dishes every night since she arrived, but Cordelia had always brushed her off. Finally, the girl turned off the water and moved to place the last dish in the dishwasher. “You didn’t have to do that.” Cordelia said, startling the girl and causing the plate to slip from her grasp and shatter on the floor, pieces scattering every which way.

Lily stared at it with wide eyes, not even attempting to look at the anger she knew was probably plastered across Cordelia’s features. “I- I’m sorry.” Lily finally said quickly, dropping to her knees as she scrambled to pick up the broken ceramic.

“Wait, Lillian. Don’t touch it, I’ll get it. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” Cordelia said as she watched the girl pick up the shards with her bare hands, instinctively moving toward the teenager, only for her to scramble away from the older woman, pressing her palm directly onto a sharp piece with her full body weight and wincing.

Cordelia froze in place, noticing just how quickly the situation was escalating. She didn’t know what to do, she really didn’t even have an idea of what was going on, all she knew was Lily was crouched in defense, staring at her with that same stone face, but her eyes gave away her panic. She put her hands up in surrender, trying to show she wasn’t a threat. What did she do wrong? “Lillian…” Cordelia said carefully, watching the girl scoot even further away from her as if anticipating an attack, “Talk to me. What’s going on?” Lily didn’t say anything, but her face shifted slightly, only slightly, as her eyebrows furrowed. “I’m sorry I scared you, I didn’t mean to.” Cordelia said softly, trying to not come off as condescending.

“The plate…” Lily finally said, her voice wavering slightly and taking on a raspy tone. She really didn’t understand what game the woman was playing, it seemed fairly obvious to Lily what was going on, but that was all the explanation she could muster as her throat got tight. But something about Cordelia’s reaction made Lily feel like she was acting crazy, and that infuriated her. She wasn’t acting crazy. She wasn’t. When you broke things you got hit, that’s how it always worked. Her reaction was _normal_.

_The broken plate. _Cordelia took a moment to try and figure out what was running through the girl’s head, taking into account her position and her reaction to the woman. _Did she think I was going to be mad?_ It sounded completely absurd to the woman, why would she be angry over an _accident_? It was a plate, which she already had plenty of. Losing one was the least of her worries. But still, there Lily was, crouched on the floor and trying to look intimidating, but Cordelia could see right through it. That wasn’t anger, that was fear. She was terrified, although the woman had to admit she did hide it well. It was a slap in the face to the lawyer, she knew Lily didn’t have a normal childhood, that she had trauma, but it was a whole different animal to see it actually play out right in front of her, and Cordelia couldn’t stop her own emotional reaction. “Oh baby,” She said softly, “I don’t care about the plate. I just didn’t want you to get hurt. I didn’t want you to clean it up.”

Lily didn’t look convinced, but her stoic expression dissipated slightly as she got even more confused. _Baby? Did she just call me baby? _Too many emotions were running through Lily’s head for her to make any sense of them, they all just confused her. Her mind was a raging fire with a thick blanket of smoke, utterly dangerous and nonsensical. If she had to give it a sound, it would just be a lot of screaming, thousands of people yelling so loud you couldn’t make anything out, just an overwhelming noise. No one had referred to Lily as anything but Lily or Lillian. Misty occasionally would call her _darlin’_, but she did that to everyone. No one had certainly ever called her _baby_ before, not even her own mother. Baby was reserved for someone special, and that certainly someone who wasn’t Lily.

Cordelia could see it just wasn’t getting through, and she knew her only option left was to explicitly state her intentions, despite her never thinking she would actually have to say the words out loud. “Lillian,” She said softly, waiting for Lily to hold eye contact with her, “I’m not going to hurt you. I could never, _ever_, hurt you. It’s ok.” Cordelia could see the words register in Lily’s mind, but she still didn’t move an inch, seemingly debating if she believed the woman or not. To further prove her point, since actions seemed to speak louder than words, Cordelia took a step back from the girl, praying that the girl would finally settle down. She watched Lily’s eyes flick back and forth rapidly for a few seconds, trying to detect even the smallest movement from the woman, before she finally broke eye contact nodded, Cordelia finally letting out the breath she had been holding.

As soon as Lily stood she felt the blood dripping off her hand and onto the floor, and she immediately went to survey the damage done to her palm. Cordelia moved toward the girl on instinct, stopping herself as soon as she saw Lily jerk her gaze up and push her elbow out in defense. Clearly, Cordelia didn’t know how to handle this properly, and she shuffled her feet for a few moments awkwardly before speaking. “Um… We need to get you cleaned up.” She said softly, waiting for the girl to acknowledge the words before she went any further.

Lily could see the overwhelming sadness in Cordelia’s eyes, could feel herself drowning in those chocolate brown iris’s as Lily’s chest got tight, and she forced herself to look away. “I can do it.” She said quietly, only glancing up once she saw Cordelia shake her head in her peripheral vision.

“I’ve got it. Go sit in the chair.” Cordelia said, motioning to the stools on the other side of the island before she quickly went in search of the first-aid kit.

Lily stood there for a few moments before she finally gave in, wandering over and taking a seat. Everything in her screamed to just handle it herself, but Cordelia wasn’t really asking, it was an order, and Lily didn’t have it in her to fight over something this menial. She stared at the piece of ceramic lodged in her skin as her head swirled, and without even thinking she grabbed the chunk and pulled, ripping it out as quickly as she could. It hurt, a lot, but the pain did exactly what Lily needed it to, it gave her a moment of clear thought, of reprieve from the storm swelling inside of her. To her, pain was clarity, it was what she knew, her compass, her _normal_. It had marked her life so completely she really didn’t know how to live without it. But if what Cordelia said was true, she would have to learn to live without it, and she didn’t know if she could handle that.

Apparently, the lodged ceramic was actually a dam, and when it was released a geyser of blood came tumbling out before Lily could even reach for a paper towel, coating her hand and dripping onto the counter below it. Cordelia timidly walked back in the room, first aid kit in hand, before seeing the scene, her face horrified and her eyes wide. She quickly flicked her gaze from the bloody shard on the counter to Lily’s hand, before snapping out of it and walking over to the girl.

By the time she reached Lily the girl had already grabbed the paper towel and applied pressure to the wound, holding it close to her chest as Cordelia approached. The older woman carefully set down the kit, turning to face Lily slowly after realizing the girl looked utterly pissed off. “May I?” She asked quietly, holding out her hand palm up. She didn’t want to push the girl, she wanted her to feel secure and like she had a choice.

She could see the question bang around in Lily’s head, moving from one side to the other as she held a silent debate with herself. Then, much to Cordelia’s surprise, she nodded ever so slightly and held out her hand. Cordelia gently grabbed it and pulled away the tissue, tossing it into the garbage next to her as she surveyed the damage. The cut appeared to be superficial, although the amount of blood would suggest otherwise. Cordelia was quickly able to discern that Lily probably wasn’t very careful about pulling out the shard, and she more than likely did it at the wrong angle and ended up causing more damage. She quickly reached for the hydrogen peroxide and a cotton ball. “This is going to sting.” She warned the girl, an apologetic look on her face as she pressed the soaked cotton to the wound. She felt Lily tense ever so slightly, but she didn’t flinch or hiss the way most kids would, and Cordelia tried her best to not think of the reasons behind that, of the countless injuries she endured at someone else’s hands. She still flicked her gaze between Lily’s face and the cut, wanting to make sure she wasn’t causing her anymore discomfort than necessary, although she knew the girl felt insanely uncomfortable, she wouldn’t even meet Cordelia’s eyes _once_.

It was then Cordelia realized why the room was so tense. Cordelia tending to the girl’s wounds was an incredibly intimate thing, something Cordelia didn’t even hesitate to do. This was normal for her, she would have done this had it been any of her friends, her coworkers, even her _mother_. She always had a caregiver personality, but as she ran the cotton ball over Lily’s palm, she realized it was _too_ intimate, especially for a girl who came from Lily’s background. Lily wanted to clean it herself, she didn’t want Cordelia’s help, and Cordelia forced it on her. It was too much too fast, and she could see the girl trying to keep as much physical and emotional distance between them as possible.

She thought about stopping, but she was in too deep, so she quickly and quietly finished her work, being careful to not study the girl’s face like she had been doing before. Once she had taped the gauze down and stepped away from the teen, Lily finally looked at her. “Where’s your broom?” She asked quietly, Cordelia quickly realizing there was still shards of ceramic littering the floor.

“Oh, don’t worry about it. You go on and head upstairs.” Cordelia suggested, although it came across to Lily as more of an order.

The girl gave a curt nod and practically scrambled up the stairs, closing the door to her room behind her. Why was this situation all so _weird_? Really, Lily should have been happy that Cordelia wasn’t mad, but all it did was make her feel uneasy and disoriented. Had she somehow fallen into a parallel universe? Was this all an elaborate mind fuck? Lily knew not everyone in the world was terrible, but for the most part, the people in _her_ world were. Her mind kept running in circles, wanting to believe that Cordelia could actually be _good_, then crushing that hope with her own startling reality. _No one is good. Everyone has something to hide. It’s only a matter of time. Stop distracting yourself with these crazy beliefs. You have to survive._

She felt her chest tighten as she sat down on the floor, pressing her back against the foot of her bed. This was not good. She hadn’t had a panic attack in over a year, and she could feel her blood begin to rush to her cheeks. She felt hot, too hot, her palms sweaty and shaking as tears welled up in her eyes. _No, you don’t cry, not ever. Get it together._ It started with her tugging on the ends of her hair, hoping the slight discomfort would ground her. That didn’t work, and she pulled harder and harder until she had a pile of broken strands collecting on her lap. _Still not enough._ She dug her nails into her wrist, wincing as she felt their sharp edges making perfect crescents, still not enough. She dug in deeper, praying for her lungs to finally cooperate with her mind. When her panic attacks came on it felt like someone was squeezing her, like all her insides were looking to bust out. She just needed a release, something to equalize the pressure building up in her body with the rest of the world. She pinched her wrist until it bled, and while it did help a little bit, it still wasn’t enough, and she resisted the urge to dig her nails in and _pull_. A few scrapes on her arm wouldn’t get much attention, but giant scratch marks certainly would.

Before she could even process what she was doing, she was in the bathroom with her pants off, sitting on the toilet and slicing into her thigh. She matched them up with the scars on her other one, all perfectly parallel, balanced. She didn’t cut as deep as the night previous, she didn’t want to have to stare at the scars for the rest of her life, not like the other ones. Those she couldn’t forget, she wouldn’t let herself, these ones were so she _could_ forget.

By the time she was done, her two thighs matched exactly in perfectly straight lines when she pressed them together. Fifteen on the left, fifteen on the right, and she would have been impressed if the situation wasn’t so entirely fucked. Still, as she made the last slice she felt her lungs expand, the pressure coiled so tightly in her releasing as the blood poured out. She had done it, she regained control, but wasn’t slicing up your own flesh the very definition of _losing_ control?

Lily tried to not dwell on it too much, knowing she would drive herself insane. It didn’t matter, all that mattered was that she could breathe, that she didn’t cry. She wasn’t vulnerable anymore. She pressed toilet paper to the cuts and watched the white sheets turn a crimson red as a calmness rushed over her, practically making her dizzy, although that might have been the blood loss, she did spend a lot of time bleeding that day. _What the fuck am I going to do? _

It was hard to be mean to Cordelia when every time she talked it felt like a warm blanket was being draped around your shoulders. It was hard to keep your distance when she was attacking the walls you had spent so much time building up with a battering ram. With each word she spoke, each kind gesture, Lily felt those walls crack just a bit, and it was terrifying. Lily felt violated, having someone try and analyze the very fiber of her being, it made her want to lash out until Cordelia just _stopped_, but the girl couldn’t bring herself to do it, and that made her angrier at herself more than anyone else. She was angry because she knew exactly why she hadn’t pushed, and that was because she _liked _Cordelia, because despite Lily’s own rough edges, there was still that tiny girl that just wanted to be loved and _seen_. But, this place wasn’t a home, it was a waystation. It would end, and Lily would leave. She couldn’t afford to get attached, to like it here, because it would only cause her trouble in the long run. She couldn’t deal with wishing she were here and not there; she couldn’t let Cordelia’s name bang around in her head long after the woman had forgotten her very existence. She just didn’t have it in her to live with that kind of pain, she already had too much.

Downstairs, Cordelia had finished cleaning up the shards and now sat at the counter, trying to weigh out in her mind what she should do. She never thought in a million years that it would be _this _hard, she wasn’t prepared for the sheer amount of mental gymnastics she would have to perform just to try and even be on the same mental plane as the teenager. It was like a chess game with no instructions, no clear way to win. With anyone else, Cordelia wouldn’t have even hesitated to go check on them, to make sure they were alright. But with Lily, it almost seemed like that would be a detriment, like the woman showing she cared was the same as aiming at the girl with a loaded gun.

She didn’t want to leave her alone either. The situation was weird and emotional and definitely not what either of them was expecting. Cordelia couldn’t even wrap her mind around it, so she could only imagine how Lily was feeling. But it was becoming clear the two operated in very different ways, Cordelia preferred to talk through tough times, and Lily preferred to just be left alone. _Maybe you should just stop pushing, she obviously doesn’t want it. The only real conversation you’ve had with her is about flowers. _That’s when she had her lightbulb moment. Flowers. She could get Lily to talk about flowers. Well, maybe not flowers, since Cordelia didn’t actually have any flowers, but the woman had a feeling the blooming plants weren’t the only area of the girl’s expertise. She just needed Lily to talk, to say _something_, even if it wasn’t exactly what Cordelia was hoping to hear. The woman knew these things took time, they still were practically strangers, but she couldn’t ignore that despite the tension and awkwardness and uncertainty, Cordelia found herself to be attached to Lily. She knew it would probably happen eventually, Cordelia had a soft spot for almost everyone, she just didn’t expect to feel it this strongly, and certainly not this soon.

It scared her a bit, the strong pull she had towards a girl she barely knew, a girl she knew had a troubled past. But something in her told her there was more to the story, more to Lily, Cordelia just had to figure out how to get past the gates of Lily’s mind. Gates the girl spent years building up. Someone had to have figured out how to get past them, Cordelia highly doubted Lily was this distant with her friends at the shop. But still, the task seemed almost impossible, like standing at the bottom of Mount Everest, ready to climb with absolutely zero preparation.

That’s what Cordelia felt as she moved up the stairs towards Lily’s door, pausing at the white slab of wood. Maybe this was a mistake. She couldn’t even tell if Lily liked her, all she knew was the girl seemed to be able to at least tolerate her. The woman let out a slightly frustrated sigh, even law school wasn’t this draining. Lily seemed to draw out Cordelia’s oldest and deepest fears, her anxiety, all the things she tried so hard to break free from. She thought she had gotten past this, beyond the hesitation and the desperate longing for any form of affection. She almost walked away, went into her office and disappeared for a while, but something kept her standing at that door. _She let me help her._ The teen seemed hardly the type to let someone have their way just because. She could have fought, god knows she could have thrown a fit that rattled Cordelia to her bones, but she didn’t. It was a small thing, but it was something, and that was enough for Cordelia to raise her fist to the door.

“Yea?” said a quiet voice from behind the door. Cordelia reached for the doorknob, but stopped when she heard the sound of feet padding towards her. Within a moment the door was pulled open, Lily standing there in a big t-shirt that almost touched her knees. Cordelia had to stop herself from grinning, she couldn’t help it, the girl looked adorable. Maybe it was because Lily always seemed to have this looming presence, this intensity. But as Cordelia looked at her she couldn’t help the warm feeling that spread throughout her body. Lily didn’t look scary or threatening, she just looked like a kid.

“Can I have your help with something?” Cordelia asked hesitantly, “In the greenhouse.”

The woman noticed how Lily immediately broke eye contact, glancing quickly at the ground and nodding, and Cordelia briefly wondered if she made a mistake, after all, the girl looked so _hesitant_. Maybe she felt like she really didn’t have a choice, maybe following Cordelia down the stairs and out the door was simply easier than saying no, less dangerous. Maybe it was purely obligation, but despite all the chaos swirling in Cordelia’s brain, the woman carried on.

Cordelia noticed that Lily didn’t seem to take the lead, always following behind Cordelia as opposed to walking in front or beside her, like a child being led through unfamiliar territory. To be fair, it technically was unfamiliar territory. The girl had only been there a few days and despite Cordelia’s explicit permission to use the greenhouse whenever Lily wanted, the teenager never strayed far from her room. Cordelia quickly glanced back as they trudged through the grass, smiling a bit when she saw Lily completely barefoot, the blades of grass peeking up between her toes. Luckily the girl was staring at the ground in the dark, she couldn’t see the grin being thrown in her direction, not that Cordelia thought it would be a bad thing if she did. She just didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, at least not when it was unnecessary.

When Cordelia flicked on the lights in the pitch black greenhouse Lily was still standing behind her, patiently waiting. The girl had a feeling Cordelia didn’t really need her help, the timing of it was too strange for it to just be a coincidence. But what Cordelia was trying to do, Lily wasn’t sure of, and that made her uneasy. Suddenly, this place didn’t feel as comforting as it had the last time she was here, it felt like some sort of test, and Lily hated tests. The woman glanced back at her and smiled a bit awkwardly before walking to the center of the room, standing at a bench as Lily trailed behind. “I know it’s not flowers, but I thought you could help.” Cordelia said softly, motioning to a set of aloe plants that were obviously not thriving, “I feel like I’ve tried everything.”

Cordelia looked back at the girl and saw the confusion on her face, but something about her eyes were noticeably softer as she nodded and took a step forward. Lily was able to tell what was wrong just by looking at the layout of the room. The greenhouse wasn’t in the most ideal spot, it was placed right in front of a forest, which meant it got significantly less light, not to mention it wasn’t really a greenhouse, just a building with a few sets of extra windows. Aloe plants needed a good amount of light, and deciding where to place them took a few calculations. You had to know where the sun rose and set, had to be aware of how much sunlight streamed through the windows, where it would shine the brightest. It wasn’t something someone who did it as a hobby would know.

Instinctually she reached out for the plants, but stopped mid-air, realizing this wasn’t her greenhouse, she couldn’t just go and move things, even if it did help. She hesitantly looked back at Cordelia, hand still in the air, “Can I…?” She asked quietly, watching Cordelia’s eyebrows furrow for a moment before she realized Lily needed permission, then nodding.

“Please.” She said, trying to keep her face neutral as the gears in her head began to turn. That moment was the reason Cordelia asked her to help, it gave her a hint as to how the girl operated, and it was in that moment she realized Lily operated out of fear. She had a feeling that was the case before, but this just made it clear. Lily was hesitant to touch anything, even something as menial as a plant. It explained why she kept to her room mostly, why she didn’t ever go to the kitchen to grab food, why she only ate when it was offered to her, why she didn’t go out to the greenhouse on her own, and Cordelia’s heart sank at the thought. It wasn’t that Lily didn’t want to do these things, she just didn’t feel like she had the right to, and she wasn’t comfortable enough to ask.

It had to be exhausting, watching everything you did, everything you said. Her basic human instincts crushed under the weight of a looming threat, of something explosive. As Cordelia watched the girl relocate the plants, she noticed how gentle she seemed to be, her touches soft and her steps light. She handled them with care, in an almost fairy-like way, like there wasn’t an ounce of anger in her bones, and it was in that moment Cordelia knew Lily wasn’t “aggressive” in her previous homes because she wanted to be, it was because she _had_ to be, and as sad as that made her, it also gave the woman hope.

Lily realized she hadn’t really explained what she was doing, she just did it in silence, feeling Cordelia’s eyes on her every step of the way. It was like she could almost hear her thoughts, could feel the vibrations from the mechanics in the woman’s brain. Lily was being analyzed and she knew it, and for some reason, she didn’t tense up like she normally would. It didn’t send a tingle down her spine and make her chest tight. Cordelia’s gaze wasn’t hard and judgmental, it was soft and warm, like she wanted to memorize every detail of the girl’s actions for safekeeping. Like she simply just wanted to _know_ Lily, without strings, without expectations, and while it did scare the teenager, it also made her cheeks burn and her whole body feel warm. It wasn’t a feeling she was used to, and she wasn’t exactly sure if she liked it.

She looked back at Cordelia as she finished and gave her a timid smile, “Um, they weren’t getting enough light. That’s why they were struggling.”

Cordelia looked surprised, “Oh, I thought by putting them in the middle they would get light from all sides. Guess I don’t know much, the label said they only needed a moderate amount of light.”

“That’s where they get you.” Lily joked, “They make their money off people who kill their plants, not ones who keep them alive. Aloe needs a lot of light, but they’ll tell you they only need a moderate amount so you’ll kill it and think it was your fault, then you buy another one and the cycle continues.”

“Ah, so I’m assuming all of my plants should be relocated then? Hm?” Cordelia asked jokingly, Lily giggling a bit.

“Not all of them, just most.” Lily said, deciding to push a little and lightly tease, which made Cordelia laugh.

“Well then it looks like I have my work cut out for me.” She joked back.

“I can help.” Lily said suddenly, then appeared to backtrack, “I mean, if you want me to.” Cordelia stared at the girl with curiosity and a little bit of wonder, so Lily felt the need to explain herself, probably for the first time in her life. “I don’t just work with flowers. I mean, that’s what we sell, but Misty will grow just about anything she can get her hands on, even things that shouldn’t really be grown in a greenhouse.”

Cordelia quirked an eyebrow, “Like what?”

“Well, she planted an oak tree in there a few years back.” Lily stated, making Cordelia’s eyes go wide as she giggled.

“And how did that work out?” She asked, Lily letting out a small laugh.

“Not great.” Lily laughed, “I mean it grew great, but that was also the problem. Misty refused to take it out and ended up cutting a hole in the roof because it got too big to fit. It isn’t really a problem unless it rains, but the birds that made their nest in there can get a little annoying.”

“The chirping gets on your nerves?” Cordelia asked.

“Uh… no, not exactly.” Lily said a little awkwardly, trying to figure out how to explain without being utterly disgusting, “Misty says it’s just natural fertilizer but….”

Cordelia caught on immediately and started laughing like crazy, partially because it was actually funny and partially because Lily was too shy to say the birds crapped on her.

Cordelia ended up taking up Lily on her offer, and the two spent a few hours in the greenhouse rearranging things. It gave the older woman an excuse to ask Lily more about herself, although she tried to keep the questions a little more surface level. Her favorite color was green, her favorite subject was English, she didn’t really have a favorite food, but she hated Brussel sprouts, even going so far as to make a face at the mere mention of them, which just made Cordelia snicker. It all was going so well, that was until Cordelia got a little too close.

“So I saw you had a journal on your bed.” She said with her back to the girl, not being able to see her tense up, “Do you write?”

Everything in Lily’s body screamed _abort mission_, that journal was her diary, her uncensored thoughts and feelings. It was the one thing she had that was hers and hers alone, even the mere mention of it lit a fire in the young girl’s head. “Uh, no. Not really, it’s just where I write things down so I don’t forget.” She said quickly through clenched teeth, trying to get out of the conversation as quickly as possible. She didn’t want to freak out on the woman, she probably didn’t know any better, and she wasn’t exactly lying. It was where she wrote things so she wouldn’t forget. It was the one thing that was crystal clear even after the memories had become hazy. It just wasn’t for Cordelia to talk about.

“What could you possibly forget?” Cordelia asked, obviously not taking the hint.

“Um, just like work and assignments and stuff.” Lily said, the woman finally turning around to face her.

“Even in the summer?” She asked, her curiosity peaked. But one look at Lily’s face told her she made a mistake, the girl’s features hard as stone once again.

“Uh, yea. I keep up on it. Keeps me organized.” Lily lied, deciding to not take the chance for the woman to press further and just end the whole situation, “Hey, I’m really tired. Is it ok if I go to bed?”

Cordelia’s mind was spinning from how fast the mood all changed, managing to squeak out, “Yea, of course. You don’t have to ask, sweetheart.”

There it was, another term of endearment. _Sweetheart. _It banged around in Lily’s brain like a loose bolt, rolling from one side to the other and throwing her off balance as she gave a small nod and a goodnight and walked back in the house. She ran up the stairs into her bedroom and closed the door, flicking on the light. _I have to hide it. There’s no way she doesn’t know what’s in there._ Sure, between the bed frame and the mattress was a decently safe place, but there had to be better options. She quickly scanned the room for a better hiding spot. She settled on the long white dresser, which had a mirror attached. There was a gap between the mirror and wall that was the perfect size to slip something in, and as she walked towards it she realized it really was the perfect spot, slipping the notebook into it. She didn’t even have to secure it, it just rested on a little ledge, completely undetectable. With that, she did her normal flick of the light switch and hopped into bed, pulling the covers over her face just in case Cordelia came knocking on her door once again.

In the greenhouse, Cordelia let out a sigh. She had been doing so well, then she had to fuck it up. Really, she was just trying to learn more about the girl’s interests, but it all seemed to backfire. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that Lily was lying to her, and she knew the journal had to be something personal to get the reaction it did. Cordelia understood it, sort of, or at least she tried to. It was something she didn’t want anyone to know about, and Cordelia had dragged it out so casually. The girl probably thought Cordelia would look through it, and since Lily really didn’t seem too enthusiastic to talk about herself, reading her private thoughts of course wasn’t going to go over well. The woman had no intentions of reading it, to be clear, but she understood why the girl got so defensive. Lily seemed to always expect the worst, to never trust anyone, so at least this time Cordelia could put the pieces together, she just wished she hadn’t brought up the book.

Eventually, she trudged inside, feeling defeated. Lily seemed to be warming up, at least a little bit, but Cordelia had to push too far, ask too many questions, and she was pushed away once again. The woman had always come on kind of strong, she always wanted to let people know she was genuinely interested in them and their stories, but Lily didn’t seem to want anyone to know anything about her, and that frustrated Cordelia to no end. She cursed herself as she changed into her pajamas and shut out the light, willing the next day to be better. She didn’t know how much more she could take.


	4. This is Your Final Warning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions of child abuse and rape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Final Warning" by Skylar Grey  
You guys can send me requests for stories at www.deliasbabe.tumblr.com !

Lily woke to the sound of hushed arguing the next morning wafting up through the vent in her floor. As she rubbed her eyes and checked the time she first thought it was Cordelia arguing with that client on the phone, but soon Cordelia’s hushed angry whispers gave way to a much louder, booming male voice. “Baby, please. Just give me one more chance.” She heard the male say, and she crept quietly towards the door and opened it silently, listening in. Lily was never really one to intervene in her foster parent’s issues, but then again, Cordelia didn’t seem to be like any of her other foster parents. It wasn’t that she didn’t think Cordelia could handle herself, she probably could, but she was too polite to tell someone to fuck off, hence why there was an angry man begging for her to talk to him.

“Hank, please. You have to go. I’m already late for work.” Cordelia said, her voice wavering slightly. Cordelia’s voice was always so even, smooth. That slight waver was all Lily needed to let her know the woman was scared, and before she could even consider what she was about to do, she was at the foot of the stairs.

“Just talk to me, baby.” Hank argued, practically yelling.

“You really should go.” Lily said from the doorway, leaning on it as both Cordelia and Hank whipped around to face her.

“Who the fuck is this?” Hank yelled, Cordelia tensing up.

“None of your business.” Cordelia said vehemently before turning to Lily, “Lillian, sweetie, just go back upstairs. I can handle this.”

Lily stared at her for a moment and could see the overwhelming panic in her eyes. It didn’t even take a second for Lily to risk whatever punishment Cordelia could dole out for not listening as she set her face and turned back to Hank. “You need to go.” Lily said coldly.

“No.” Hank said loudly, looking back at Cordelia, “I’m not leaving until you talk to me.”

“You can leave or I can make you leave.” Lily said forcefully, her voice raspy and unforgiving. She saw Cordelia’s face drop as the words registered, her face going pale as she rapidly flicked her gaze between Hank and the girl. She hesitantly took a step towards Lily, and it almost looked like she was trying to protect her, _almost_.

Hank looked Lily up and down for a moment before letting out a laugh. Lily wasn’t dumb, she knew she was tiny and not particularly threatening to a fully grown male, but she was also acutely aware of what she was able to do. She was smaller and maybe didn’t have as much strength, but she was definitely more agile, and for her that’s where it counted. “You really think _you_ can make me leave?” Hank laughed out with a condescending smile.

Lily threw a purposeful glance at the knife block that resided a few feet to her left, leaving no room for interpretation. She watched Cordelia’s eyes go wide as Hank’s face dropped, and this time she was the one to give a terrifying smirk, cocking her head to the side. “Want to find out?” She asked, her voice still low and gravely.

She didn’t break eye contact with the man, staring him down as he clenched his jaw. He tried to act like he was unbothered, letting out a breathy laugh, but his face showed his fear. “Fine. I’ll go.” He said before turning to Cordelia, “But you _will_ talk to me.”

Hank threw one last glare at Lily before letting out a huff and stalking towards the front door, slamming it behind him. The kitchen was eerily silent, both women just standing there for a minute. Lily waited for Cordelia to say something, but the woman seemed to not know what to say. “I’m assuming that’s the creepy rose guy?” Lily finally said, Cordelia looking at her uncomfortably for a moment before nodding slightly, “I’m not one to offer legal advice, but you should probably get a restraining order. Dude’s a psycho.”

Lily didn’t even wait for Cordelia to respond before she made her way back to her bedroom. She knew Cordelia was scared of her, she could see it written on her face, and forcing the woman to talk to her right after she just threatened to stab someone didn’t really seem like a good idea. She walked into the bathroom and started the shower, and suddenly the thought of her getting sent away because of this flashed through her mind. _Four days, that would certainly be a record._ If Cordelia hadn’t read her file by now, she definitely was going to after that. She felt fear begin to twist up her insides, curling around her torso, but it was only for a moment. She didn’t care if she got sent away, or at least that’s what she convinced herself. Better to leave now then later, and at least this one she could blame on herself.

Once Cordelia heard the shower start upstairs, she quickly pulled out her phone and headed to her office, sitting down at her desk as she dialed her best friend. “Babe, it is 9am. Someone better be dying.” Coco said tiredly.

“I don’t know what to do.” Cordelia whined, practically slamming her head on the table, “I don’t think I can handle this.”

“Woah, slow down. Handle what?” Coco asked, now very concerned at her friend’s tone of voice. Sure, she was used to Cordelia panicking, but she never sounded this scared.

“Hank showed up at the house this morning.” Cordelia said.

“Wait, he showed up? Like showed up showed up?” Coco asked.

“He was standing in my kitchen begging me to talk to him.” Cordelia said exasperatingly.

“Is he insane?” Coco asked.

“Just wait, it gets worse.” Cordelia sighed.

“What? Was your kid there? Did you tell her about him?” Coco asked rapidly.

“I thought she was sleeping, but I guess not. And no, I didn’t tell her.” Cordelia said, “Oh god. What am I going to do?”

“Ok, tell me what happened, because I’m obviously missing something here.” Coco said, trying to get the full story. Cordelia relayed the previous events to Coco and explained as much as she could, the woman on the other side stunned. “Wait, she threatened to _stab_ him?”

“More like hinted, but yes.” Cordelia said, rubbing her temples.

“Holy shit. I think I love her already.” Coco chuckled from the other side.

“Coco, be serious here.” Cordelia said sternly.

“I am! I can’t be mad at her for trying to protect you, babe. Someone’s gotta do it.” Coco said, “At least now you know she actually likes you.”

“You don’t know that. At most she’s indifferent to me.” Cordelia said.

“Babe, you don’t risk going to prison for someone you don’t like. You didn’t even know she was up, she could have just stayed upstairs and let you handle it, but she didn’t. She was helping you, as terrifying as it was.” Coco argued, Cordelia letting out a sigh.

“Ok, maybe you are right, maybe she does like me, _maybe_. But that still doesn’t make what she did ok.” Cordelia said, her voice getting quiet, “She has a history.” She hadn’t originally planned to reveal Lily’s file to anyone, knowing if she told her friends they would insist she send the girl away, but this just wasn’t something she could ignore.

“A history of stabbing people?” Coco asked.

“Yes. Well, no…. I don’t know. She has a history of threatening to stab people, her past foster parents. I don’t know if she actually stabbed them but…” Cordelia explained, waiting for the impending blowup.

“Did it give a reason as to why?” Coco asked, surprising Cordelia.

“Of course it didn’t.” Cordelia said.

“Well did you ask her about it?” Coco asked.

“No. Of course I didn’t.” Cordelia answered, “Why on earth would I ask her about it?”

“Because it would help you decide if she’s nuts or just protecting herself.” Coco said exasperatingly, “You’re the one who told me her file would just be a huge cover up.”

“Yea, well, she’s not exactly open to questions.” Cordelia said, “I can’t get more than her favorite color without her shutting down.”

“Well now would be the perfect time to ask. There’s no way you two can go on and just not talk about what happened.” Coco explained.

“How are you so calm about this? I thought the second I mentioned it you would be screaming.” Cordelia said, confused.

“I’m trying to be open minded, ok?” Coco said, and Cordelia knew she was smirking on the other end.

“You just like her because she threatened Hank.” Cordelia said with a smirk.

“That may be true. Maybe.” Coco said, “But she didn’t do it unprovoked. He broke into your house and was screaming at you like a mad man. If she did it to him on the street I would maybe be more concerned." Cordelia let out a sigh, “Listen, you were the one who told me there was more to this girl than you thought, and that was even _after_ reading her file. Just ask her about it.”

“I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, but you may be right.” Cordelia said, chuckling slightly.

“Well _duh_, I’m always right. You just never listen to me.” Coco teased, “And we both know that even if this girl was completely psycho you still wouldn’t send her away, so I don’t even know why we are having this conversation.”

“I know.” Cordelia said, letting out a dramatic sigh as she rolled her eyes.

“So then trust yourself. You know what you are doing, you just want to believe you don’t.” Coco said, “Can I go back to sleep now?”

“Yes.” Cordelia said sarcastically, “Go back to bed, Coco.”

“Thank _god_.” Coco said, “Love you, babe!”

“Love you too.” Cordelia laughed, hanging up the phone and trying to psych herself up for the conversation she knew she would be dreading. She hated feeling like this, so powerless, so confused, but it was what she wanted. She wanted to help this girl, she just couldn’t figure out how. Asking about the girls past shouldn’t have been as difficult as it was, but getting anything out of the girl seemed to be a battle Cordelia had continuously been losing. Cordelia had tried to tiptoe around it, ask questions that were ambiguous, but that didn’t seem to work. She could get her to talk about work and flowers, but not much outside of that. It was almost as if she didn’t _want_ Cordelia to know anything about her, like it was a weakness, and maybe for her it was. So how did Cordelia even begin to break through?

_I like messy, prefer it, actually. It’s real._

Maybe that was it, maybe Cordelia was going about it the wrong way. Maybe she was being too polite, trying to tip toe around the harder questions. Maybe she just needed to come out and say it, as messy as it was. Lily seemed to respond better to direct questions, questions that were based on facts. Cordelia thought back to the previous night, when she startled the girl. Lily didn’t seem to respond to Cordelia’s first attempts to calm the girl down, she only responded when Cordelia explicitly stated her intentions, as difficult as that was for the woman. Lily wasn’t interested in being polite, she was interested in the truth. It made sense, given how many times she was tossed around from home to home. Cordelia didn’t know what exactly went on there, but she did know it wasn’t good, and she couldn’t fault the girl for being so hesitant to accept anything Cordelia said, especially when she had probably been given hundreds of false promises.

Cordelia spent the rest of the day tied up with work, but finally the two sat down for dinner, and Cordelia tried to prepare herself for every possible outcome. She had to explain the Hank situation, as much as she didn’t want to, there was just no way to skirt around it, especially now that Lily was involved. “So, um, I probably should explain what happened earlier.” Cordelia began as Lily looked up at her.

“You don’t owe me an explanation.” Lily said with a wave of her hand, glancing back down at her food.

“Yes, I do.” Cordelia said, “Hank, well, he’s my….”

“Ex-husband. I know.” Lily said bluntly, not even bothering to look up at Cordelia’s shocked face.

“You know?” Cordelia asked, Lily giving her a slight nod, “How?”

Lily briefly glanced up, watching Cordelia absentmindedly play with her ring finger once again, then nodding towards it, “You always screw around with your ring finger when you’re nervous. It’s a habit.”

Cordelia glanced down at her hands and quickly stopped her actions, feeling slightly defensive, “That could mean a lot of things.”

“It could.” Lily said carefully. _But I was right._

Cordelia caught onto the slight change in tone, quickly realizing that getting defensive was not the best way to handle the situation, and she let out a chuckle, “Wow, you really are observant.”

Lily met her eyes briefly, “I have to be.”

“_Had _to be. You _had _to be.” Cordelia said, trying to drill it into the girl’s brain, but she was just met with silence as the teenager glanced back down and took another bite of her food. _Well, at least it’s good to know where she’s at._ But despite Lily’s admission that she knew who Hank was, Cordelia still felt the need to give the girl some context of the situation. “The divorce was finalized a little over a month ago, and Hank hasn’t been taking it well.” She explained, “You don’t have to worry, he won’t hurt you.” As Lily met her gaze, Cordelia could see she wanted to say something but was refraining, “What?”

Lily hesitated a moment longer, biting her lip, “Do you always assume the best in everyone?”

Cordelia was blindsided by the question, her mouth dropping open slightly. She didn’t know how to respond to the question, but she could see where it was leading, “You think Hank is dangerous?” Lily glanced down briefly, thinking she pushed too far, but Cordelia urged her to continue, “Really, I want to know.”

“I’ve seen a lot of different types of crazy in my life, dangerous and not.” Lily said hesitantly, “He’s nuts, and he’s about one wrong move away from dangerous. You should be worried; he could hurt you.” Cordelia glanced down briefly and nodded slightly, “Not that my opinion matters much.”

Cordelia snapped her gaze back up to meet the girl’s. “Of course it matters. This is your house too.” She said forcefully.

“No, this is your house. I’m just living in it.” Lily said bluntly.

Cordelia let out a sigh, realizing the girl’s mindset was going to be tough to break. She couldn’t really formulate a proper response that didn’t involve her shaking some sense into the teen, so she decided to let it slide for the time being. “You really think he’s dangerous?” She asked quietly.

Lily nodded, “I do. Especially to you.”

Cordelia stared at the girl for a moment, confused as to why Lily would put herself in harm’s way for the woman, especially if she thought Hank was dangerous. “Why did you come downstairs?” She asked, curious.

“What?” Lily asked, her eyebrows furrowing.

“I didn’t even know you were awake. You could’ve just hidden out upstairs, but you didn’t. Why?” Cordelia asked.

Lily averted her gaze as she gave a shrug, “You sounded like you needed backup.”

“What makes you think that?” Cordelia asked.

“I know scared when I see it, or hear it.” Lily said bluntly, staring the woman down, “You needed backup.”

“What scares you?” Cordelia asked after a moment, purely out of curiosity.

Lily let out a sad laugh, “Not much anymore.”

Cordelia narrowed her eyes playfully, “I don’t think that’s true.”

“You don’t have to.” Lily said, not breaking eye contact. She didn’t really want to continue the conversation, so she chose to get to know Cordelia a little better, although her way of doing it was maybe not the best course of action. “Who’s Fiona?” She asked, watching about a hundred different emotions flash across the woman’s features before being overtaken by surprise and a hint of discomfort.

“What?” Cordelia asked, thinking she hadn’t ever mentioned the name to Lily.

“When I first got here you were arguing with someone on the phone. You called them Fiona.” Lily explained, watching the lawyer slightly clench her jaw, then unclench it.

Cordelia stared at the girl as she let out a small, breathy laugh, “You really don’t miss a thing, do you?”

“Not really.” Lily responded, smirking slightly.

Cordelia nodded, glancing down at the table. She knew she would have to explain Fiona eventually, she was bound to show up at the worst time, as she always did. “Fiona is my mother. Me and her don’t really get along…” Cordelia said before shaking her head and looking back at the girl, who nodded at her, “There’s a lot of history.”

Lily let out a laugh, “You really don’t have to explain not liking your mother to me.”

Cordelia let out a small laugh then nodded. “Can I ask you something?” She asked hesitantly, knowing the two would have to discuss the incident sooner or later.

“You can, but I might not answer.” Lily said, but Cordelia could see the hint of a smile on the girl’s lips, letting her know Lily was slightly teasing.

Cordelia sucked in a deep breath, praying the conversation didn’t quickly turn explosive, “You threatened your foster father with a knife, why?”

Cordelia could see the girl tense slightly, her back straightening. “So you finally read it.” Lily said flatly, Cordelia nodding, “And it didn’t scare you off?” Cordelia just looked at her, so Lily let out a small laugh, “Damn, you’re tougher than I thought.”

Cordelia cringed slightly at the girl’s language, but that was something that could be dealt with later. Lily didn’t totally shut her down, which was a good thing, and Cordelia wasn’t going to waste the opportunity. She let out a laugh and smiled slightly, “I don’t scare easy, I guess.”

“Apparently not, I’m still here.” Lily said before leaning back and eyeing the woman curiously, “What makes you think there was a reason?”

“A gut feeling, I guess.” Cordelia admitted, “You don’t seem like the type to do things without proper cause.”

“Did you miss where I threatened your ex-husband?” Lily joked, smirking.

Cordelia let out a laugh, mostly just to ease the tension, “No, I didn’t, but even that had a reason.” She leaned forward slightly towards the girl, “What was this one?”

Lily debated for a moment, weighing out her options. She could just shut down, give zero explanation. In fact, if it had been anyone else that would be exactly what she would do. But Cordelia wasn’t just anyone else, and Lily was curious as to how she would react. The worst thing she could do was say that Lily was lying. “I had a younger foster sister, another foster kid.” Lily began, Cordelia nodding, “She was nine, and one night I caught my foster father sneaking into her room in the middle of the night.”

Cordelia understood exactly what she was getting at, but she also knew there was parts she wasn’t being told, so she decided to push a bit. “What made you believe there was something wrong?” She asked.

Lily immediately knew Cordelia was trying to figure out if it had been done to her, but she definitely was not going to give up that information. “What other reason does a grown man have for sneaking into a little girl’s room when he thinks everyone else is asleep?” She said before shrugging and mimicking the woman’s words, “Call it a gut feeling, I guess.”

“Did you see him do anything?” Cordelia asked, Lily giving her a funny look.

“What? Am I on the stand? Do I have to take an oath?” She said, and Cordelia could see she was starting to get defensive, which basically told the woman the answer was yes. Cordelia laughed a bit at the lawyer joke, but her face quickly dropped when Lily continued, “He’s in jail now for distributing child pornography, so I’ll let you be the judge of if I was lying.”

“I didn’t think you were lying.” Cordelia said seriously.

“Well you would be the first.” Lily said plainly, looking away from the woman.

Cordelia chose to back off, she could see the girl starting to shut down and the woman felt like she had everything she needed for the time being. “Are you going into the shop tomorrow?” She asked, “I have to go into work.”

“Am I allowed to?” Lily asked, the defensiveness waning from her voice the longer she spoke.

“Of course.” Cordelia said, “I’m not going to force you to just sit by yourself all day. I would much rather you be doing something you enjoy.”

Lily looked hesitant but nodded, “Ok, I’ll go in.”

Cordelia smiled and nodded, “Ok then. Go ahead and take something from the fridge for lunch tomorrow.”

Lily nodded slightly, knowing she definitely would _not_ be doing that. Still, it was nice that the woman even offered, most of her foster parents couldn’t care less if she ate. Lily wasn’t blind to the fact that Cordelia had started to pick up on her weird quirks and adjust to them. Whenever the woman was home she made sure Lily had eaten, and if the girl hadn’t she insisted she did. She had told the teenager multiple times she was free to take whatever whenever she felt like it, but Lily really didn’t feel like taking the risk of eating something she wasn’t supposed to or potentially moving something.

“Oh, and I’m having a few friends over tomorrow night.” Cordelia mentioned, studying the girl’s face to see if it was too soon.

Lily seemed unphased as she nodded, “Ok, I’ll hangout upstairs for the night.”

“Well, you don’t have to.” Cordelia said as she cocked her head to the side, before snickering slightly, “Although, after meeting Coco you might want to. She can be a lot.”

Lily leaned forward to rest her elbows on the table as she furrowed her brow and locked her hands together, “I really don’t think you want me hanging around your friends.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Cordelia asked, Lily just staring at her, “They’ve been bugging me to meet you, but it’s up to you.”

_Ah, so it’s a token foster kid thing,_ Lily thought to herself. She should have seen it coming. I mean, what was the point of having a foster kid if you couldn’t show them off to your friends? Still, that was the price Lily paid for living in a place like this. “Whatever you want.” Lily said with a shake of her head.

The rest of the night carried on normally, and when Cordelia got in bed that night she breathed a sigh of relief. Lily was settling in, slowly but surely. She wasn’t crazy, far from it, and Cordelia thanked her lucky stars that the girl had finally opened up, even if it was just a crack. That night seemed like a turning point, and Cordelia felt the tension release from her shoulders, like she had been holding her breath for days. She wasn’t scared of Lily anymore, in fact, all she wanted to do was pull her into a hug and tell her that things would be ok, that she was safe now. Cordelia still had no idea exactly what went on in Lily’s life before, but she could only imagine, and it was all she could do to not hop out of bed and call Lily’s social worker to give him a piece of her mind.

As she tossed and turned, she thought about what Lily had said, about Hank. Did Cordelia think he could be dangerous? He was never like this when they were married, he always seemed sweet and innocent, that was until she found out he was cheating on her during his numerous “business trips”. But Lily seemed to think he was dangerous, and Cordelia couldn’t ignore that. She knew it could just be the girl assuming the worst, looking out for the monsters hiding under her bed, but she also knew Lily could see things others couldn’t, she had been conditioned to spot situations exactly like this one. If anyone would know, it was her. So why was Cordelia having such a hard time with this? It should have been easy, she could just file for a restraining order tomorrow, it wasn’t like she didn’t have a substantial case, especially with him breaking into her house and showing up at work. But despite everything he had done, Cordelia couldn’t turn her back on him, not ever, and she hated herself for that.

Lily didn’t feel safe there, that should’ve been Cordelia’s priority. It _had_ to be Cordelia’s priority, so why was she hesitating? Maybe it was because the girl said that he was a danger to _Cordelia_, not herself. Lily wasn’t scared, she was scared for _her_, and Cordelia’s heart picked up pace as she thought about it. If Lily was scared for her, that meant she had to care, at least a little bit, and that was all Cordelia needed to keep pushing ahead.


	5. I'd like to tell you that my sky's not blue, it's violent rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the song "Clementine" by Halsey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, I'm in the middle of finals and haven't had much time to write anything! Here's a little chapter to hold you over for the week!

When Cordelia started to get ready for work the next morning, Lily was already up and gone, as she was every morning she went to work at the shop. Cordelia had to admire the girls work ethic, she was able to pick her own hours and she still was out the door by 6am, most teenagers would have started at noon, but not Lily. In the six days Cordelia had known the girl, she hadn’t heard her complain once, about anything, not even her early mornings and long hours at the greenhouse, which was a huge contrast to her moody teenage persona, although Cordelia was beginning to learn it was just that, a persona.

When she wandered down to the dark kitchen to grab her already made lunch, she noticed nothing was out of place in the fridge, which meant Lily probably didn’t take a lunch, not that the woman was particularly surprised. Still, she let out a frustrated sigh, mentally punching every single person who had made the girl feel like she couldn’t eat, like it wasn’t a vital thing that kept you _alive_. Cordelia had been managing it, at least to the degree she could, she wasn’t around all the time to prompt the girl to have a proper meal, but she did try when she was home, even going as far as to make food for herself and Lily when she usually would just grab something out of the fridge. She had asked Lily to write down what kind of foods she wanted from the grocery, for when the housekeeper went, but when she had checked the list the next morning it was the exact same, like the girl felt like she was asking for too much if she wrote down a single thing.

Cordelia had tried to focus on work once she arrived at the office, but she couldn’t keep her mind on task. She half listened through meetings and conference calls, typed up half-assed notes, but all she could think about was Lily, and how she hadn’t taken a lunch. So when Marie had mentioned how drab the office was looking, Cordelia didn’t even hesitate to offer her services, and on her lunch she drove across town to pick up some flowers, although she knew she wasn’t really going for the flowers.

Maybe it was pure curiosity, wanting to meet the people Lily seemed to be so fond of, the ones that actually knew her, all of her, not just parts like Cordelia did. I mean, she was her daughter, Cordelia should know who she was spending her time with, or at least be somewhat familiar with them. No, she wasn’t her daughter, Cordelia couldn’t think like that. She was someone else’s daughter. Cordelia was just a placeholder, someone who would hold onto Lily for safekeeping. She couldn’t think of Lily as _hers_, she couldn’t afford to get attached, not in that way. The problem was she had already become attached, deeply so, and that scared her, because she didn’t even really know the girl yet. If this was Cordelia’s baseline, then she was truly screwed, destined for heartbreak the day Lily’s mom actually managed to get it together, and the issue was Cordelia didn’t seem to mind it, not one bit.

As she parked her car she wondered if this was too much, too fast. She felt like she had just started to make some progress with the girl, and she really didn’t want to jeopardize it by showing up uninvited. She quickly pushed the thought from her mind, this was _good_. She was just going to get flowers, and she knew the girl was knowledgeable about that sort of thing, nothing more. Except it was more, way more. It was Cordelia attempting to connect with the girl, a silent offering of her affection, and if it was rejected, the woman would be crushed. _Oh god, what if she tells me to leave?_ Well it certainly wouldn’t be the proper way to conduct business, that’s for sure. _It’s just flowers. You are just getting flowers._

When Cordelia stepped inside the tiny shop, she spotted a wild haired blonde leaning on the counter, who immediately gave the lawyer the warmest smile Cordelia thought she had ever seen. “Hiya! How can I help ya?” was practically sung with a thick accent, which Cordelia found to instantly put her at ease. Cordelia moved to respond, but she was quickly cut off as loud giggles emerged from the back room, “Sorry, they’re a bit wild back there. Can’t keep ‘em from gigglin’ for nothin’.”

“It’s alright.” Cordelia said politely, “I just came to get some flowers for my office.” Misty looked at her and nodded, “Would Lillian happen to be here by any chance?”

Misty met Cordelia’s gaze and nodded excitedly, “Lily!”

“What?” Lily laughed from the back room, and Cordelia noticed just how different the girl’s voice sounded, much more animated and alive than the neutral tone the girl used with her.

“Come’re!” Misty yelled, shaking her head as she laughed.

“You literally just told me to sit down. _Insisted, _actually.” Lily yelled back.

“I did not _insist_, Lil.” Misty argued as the girls in the back laughed.

“You physically_ forced _me into a chair and told me not to get up for the next _hour_.” Lily argued back, although Cordelia could hear the playfulness in the girl’s tone.

“That’s because ya won’t take a damn break!” Misty yelled, “Now get up here, someone’s asking for ya.”

“Alright, I’m coming!” Lily yelled sarcastically before Cordelia could hear a murmuring and another round of giggles, the door swinging open to reveal a smiling Lily and another girl who was a little bit older. As Lily spotted Cordelia her expression shifted, surprise and a little confusion overtaking her features as she cocked her head to the side. “Oh, hi.” She said, stopping in her tracks, “What are you doing here?”

Cordelia’s heart dropped to her stomach as she cleared her throat awkwardly, “I came to get flowers, for the office.”

Lily nodded and looked dazed for a moment before seemingly snapping out of it, “Oh, Misty, this is Cordelia. Cordelia, Misty.”

Misty glanced at Cordelia, knowing without a doubt who she was. She smiled that same warm smile that made Cordelia almost melt. “It’s nice ta meet ya.”

“And this is Mallory.” Lily said, gesturing to the girl beside her.

“So, flowers for an office, huh? Well I can help with that.” Misty said, moving towards the containers of flowers along the opposite wall.

“No, I got it.” Lily said quickly before turning to Cordelia, “Wait here, I’ll be right back.”

As Mallory and Lily disappeared into the back, Misty turned to Cordelia, “It’s probably better that she does it. Lily has the magic touch, knows all the flowers and their meanings.”

“Yea, she started to teach me a bit about that.” Cordelia said with a chuckle, “I’m totally lost when it comes to flowers.”

“Well I can teach ya.” Misty said, a bit too enthusiastically. She couldn’t help it, Cordelia was the prettiest woman Misty thought she had ever seen, and she had to physically stop herself from staring at the woman as she glanced over the flowers. “Ask me about any of ‘em, I know ‘em all.” She said, glancing away and trying to make the blush dissipate from her cheeks.

Cordelia nodded as her gaze shifted over the many flowers, trying desperately to recall the ones Lily had mentioned a couple nights prior. She silently cursed herself for not writing them down, that was until she landed on a flower whose name looked familiar, Queen Anne’s Lace. “What about this one?” Cordelia asked, throwing the other blonde a smile.

Misty walked over so she was standing next to the woman, eyeing the flowers. “Sanctuary.” She said simply, Cordelia nodding slightly, just taking it in.

“And this?” She asked, pointing to Iris’s.

“Those ones have a few different meanings. Faith, hope, wisdom, courage…. They’re placed on women’s graves ta help guide them ta the afterlife.” Misty said, “Basically, they’re for guidance to bigger and better things.”

“And these?” Cordelia said, pointing to the bucket of Protea.

“Transformation.” Misty said, catching onto the specific questions, “She told ya her flowers, didn’t she?” Cordelia met the woman’s gaze, blushing slightly as she nodded. “And I’m assumin’ based on ya questions that she wouldn’t tell ya what they meant?” Cordelia gave another nod. “Well I’ll save ya the trouble.” Misty said with a chuckle, “Hydrangeas represent gratefulness for bein’ understood. Sorry she put ya through all that, she’s a stubborn one.”

“And I’m assuming you know her very well.” Cordelia joked, Misty nodding.

“I do. Don’t let her scare ya. She acts all tough but she’s really just a big softy. Last week a baby squirrel fell out of the tree and broke its hind legs, and she started sobbin’ on the ground like a big ol’ baby until I called a wildlife vet.” Misty said, glancing back at the still closed door, “She’s a tough nut ta crack, but it’s worth it.”

Cordelia glanced at the taller woman and smiled softly, “Yea, I got the feeling.”

The two continued to converse a bit about flowers, mostly to buy time, until Cordelia had an idea. “Hey,” She began, turning to the florist, “What are your plans for tonight?” Misty looked like a deer in headlights, so Cordelia continued, “I’m having a few friends over for drinks tonight, I figured you and Mallory might like to come.”

Misty looked apprehensive, “Well, we were supposed ta hang out with our other friend Maddie tonight…”

“Bring her, the more the merrier.” Cordelia said, watching the hesitation not lift from the other woman’s face, “If you want to, that is.”

“No, uh, I want ta. It’s just that Maddie doesn’t play too well with others.” Misty admitted, Cordelia grinning back at her.

“Neither do my friends, bring her. I’m sure Lillian would appreciate having people there she’s comfortable with.” Cordelia said, smiling as Misty nodded, “Here, put your number in my phone so I can text you the address.” Misty did, and Cordelia immediately sent her a heart emoji, “So that you know it’s me.”

The two made their way back to the counter as Misty slid behind it. “She’ll be out in a minute. She’s a perfectionist about these sorta things.” Misty snickered, “Ya know, you’re the first foster parent of Lily’s that I ever met. Probably a good thing, actually, now that I think about it. Woulda beat their asses.”

Cordelia let out a little laugh, “Should I be concerned?”

Misty gave her a smirk, “Nah, the only thing she’s had ta complain about is the uniform, so I would say ya are doin’ somethin’ right, at least in my book.”

Cordelia felt herself relax at the woman’s kind words, or rather, the lack of Lily’s unkind words. Cordelia was glad she came to the shop, as much as her head worried it would be too much, it gave her a sense of clarity about the whole thing, a sign she was on the right path.

A few moments later, Lily wandered out of the back, a bouquet of flowers in hand. She timidly approached the women, putting the flowers in a vase and presenting them to Cordelia like a kindergartener showing their parents an illegible drawing. Cordelia beamed, inspecting the flowers carefully. The bouquet was beautiful, stunning really, but Cordelia knew it was more than just looks, each flower meant something that was specifically tailored for the space. “Wow Lil, ya really outdid ya self.” Misty said, glancing over each of the flowers, “I never woulda thought ta put Alstroemeria in there.”

“What does it mean?” Cordelia asked, looking at Lily.

“Fortune, devotion, and friendship.” Lily said, blushing at the praise.

“It’s beautiful.” Cordelia said earnestly, Lily offering a small smile and a thank you before returning to her work.

“Alright, that’ll be $5.” Misty said, not even bothering to ring the woman up as Cordelia reached for her credit card. The lawyer snapped her gaze up at the severely discounted price, shaking her head and moving to argue, “This is my shop and you’re takin’ care of my favorite helper. Don’t tell Mallory I said that.” Cordelia let out a chuckle, but continued to throw the taller woman a look, “Don’t fight me on this, ok?” Cordelia nodded, then offered a thank you and a see you later as she left the shop, heading back to work and actually managing to be productive through the rest of her day.

Back at the shop, Misty had wandered back into the greenhouse and was giving Lily a knowing smirk. “What?” Lily asked, stopping in her tracks and giving the woman an unimpressed stare.

“Nothin’. She seems nice.” Misty said, Lily breaking her stare as she fiddled with the plants around her.

“She does.” She said flatly, Misty throwing her a look.

“Lily…” Misty chided, Lily whipping around to face her.

“Don’t _Lily_ me.” The girl said forcefully.

“Would it kill ya ta have a little faith?” Misty argued.

“Yes.” Lily stated, shooting the florist a look.

“Lil, she came here ta see ya. She’s tryin’.” Misty responded, trying to get through to the girl.

“I’m not saying she isn’t.” Lily said, “Can we just drop this?”

“Nah, we can’t. This could be good for ya if ya let it.” Misty said.

Lily let out a strangled laugh, “God I wish I had your optimism.”

“Well ya could if ya would stop bein’ so damn stubborn.” Misty huffed, “This could really work out for ya.”

“It won’t.” Lily shot back.

“Ya don’t know that.” Misty argued.

“Yes, I do. My mom just got out of jail. She’s trying to get us back. I’ll be there for a year at most. It’s just not worth it.” Lily spat.

“Ya mom got out?” Misty asked, Lily nodding back at her, “Why didn’t ya say anythin’?”

“I’ve been trying not to think about it if I can help it.” Lily said, shooting Misty a sarcastic smile, “It’s fine, just same old same old.”

“Do ya think she’s gonna be able ta keep ya this time?” Misty asked, Lily letting out a snide laugh.

“Ha, no. She’s going to do what she always does, get herself stable just long enough to get us back, then fall apart two weeks later once she realizes parenting is hard and she doesn’t want to do it anymore.” Lily bit, “Then the cycle continues.”

“But if ya do good here they might send ya back ta her.” Misty said, trying to find a positive in the situation.

“Doubt it.” Lily said, glancing over at Misty and seeing the weird look on her face, “Please tell me you don’t have a crush on her.”

“I don’t.” Misty lied, knowing Lily could see right through it.

“Oh my god.” Lily sighed, “Do you ever fall for someone who isn’t straight?”

Misty let out an exasperated sigh. She knew Lily was partially right, the florist seemed to have a knack for falling for women who either weren’t sure of their sexuality or those who happened to be completely straight, usually getting her heart broken in the process. “Ya don’t know that she’s straight.”

“I mean you can ask her ex-husband.” Lily shot back, “Who’s a psycho, might I add.”

“That doesn’t mean she’s straight.” Misty argued.

“Misty, she’s the epitome of a repressed, working housewife. At most she’s bi-curious, and you don’t want to be the person she tests that out on.” Lily fired back.

“So you don’t like her?” Mallory cut in, Lily shrugging.

“She’s fine I guess. We’re just two very different types of people.” Lily responded before turning back to Misty, “If you want to go after her then fine, it doesn’t really make much of a difference to me. I just don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

“Well I guess we’ll find out tonight.” Misty said with a shrug.

“Why would you find out tonight?” Lily asked, confused.

“Oh, she invited us over for drinks with her friends. Said it would make ya feel better if ya had someone there ya knew.” Misty said nonchalantly.

“Weren’t you supposed to hang out with Madison tonight?” Lily questioned.

“Yea, she’s comin’ with us.” Misty said with a smirk.

“Oh _fuck_ no.” Lily practically screamed, “No fucking way.”

“Why? Ya love Maddie.” Misty teased.

“You know I do, but Jesus fucking Christ I’m not trying to get kicked out before I’ve even been there a week!” Lily argued.

“So ya _do_ wanna stay.” Misty teased, Lily rolling her eyes.

“Well it sort of beats everywhere else I’ve been, so yea.” Lily said sarcastically, “Cordelia will not be able to handle Maddie. I can barely even handle Maddie.”

“Who knows, maybe she has a wild side.” Mallory said with a shrug, “Madison is an acquired taste, but you get used to her after a while.”

“It’s been three years and I’m _still_ not used to Madison.” Lily said.

“Well let’s hope Cordelia and her friends adjust faster than ya, cause it’s happenin’.” Misty said with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyways hope y'all have a good week! I'll be over here dying, but everything's fine.


	6. Who Could Ever Leave Me Darling? But Who Could Stay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily meets Cordelia's friends! Chapter title from "The Archer" by Taylor Swift!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it's been forever since I've updated this fic. Nothing like a good pandemic to get me back into writing. Sorry for the delay, but I'm going to try to get back into the swing of things! Enjoy!

Later in the day, Lily and Cordelia sat down at the table for dinner. “Everyone at the office _loved_ the flowers.” Cordelia gushed as Lily ducked her head and blushed, “You’re very talented. I can see why you love it so much.”

“Thank you.” Lily said quietly, trying her best to seem like she wasn’t totally uncomfortable with the praise. It wasn’t that she had never been complimented before, Misty did it all the time, but that was different, way different. Her usual response was always something sarcastic and slightly self-deprecating, but she didn’t really think that would fly with Cordelia.

Apparently, they had been sitting in silence for longer than Cordelia was comfortable with. Lily still wasn’t used to all the talking, although she was slowly getting better. “Do you prefer being called Lily?” Cordelia asked, Lily snapping her gaze up and looking at the woman with wide eyes.

“What?” She asked, thinking she couldn’t have possibly heard the woman correctly. There was no way, no one but Lily’s friends actually called her Lily.

“At the shop, Misty and Mallory called you Lily.” Cordelia explained, Lily nodding, “Do you like that better?”

Lily felt herself beginning to panic. It was a stupid thing to panic about, really, it was just a name. It shouldn’t have made a difference, but it did to Lily. That was the one thing she didn’t have to give away, at least she didn’t before this. If she told Cordelia no, then it would obviously seem like an issue. “You can call me whatever you want, I’ll answer to pretty much anything.” Lily rambled as Cordelia stared at her, “I mean, my old foster parents called me Julie for six months.”

Cordelia eyed the girl curiously, “How long were you with them?”

“Six months.” Lily said quietly, realizing she had given away something she hadn’t meant to. It wasn’t just that house that didn’t bother to actually learn her name, it was pretty much every house, but most just resorted to “Hey you” or some other vague, meaningless nickname. Lily saw the look on Cordelia’s face and quickly tried to salvage the situation, “It was fine, really. Like I said, I respond to anything.”

“Sweetie,” Cordelia said softly with a small smile, trying to reel the spiraling girl back in, “What would you like me to call you?”

_She’s giving me a choice? I have a choice._ Lily really wasn’t expecting that, and when she was presented with it, she almost didn’t know how to respond. Lillian was the name she associated with everyone and everything she didn’t like. It was the name that reminded her to be careful, to keep her guard up, to stay on her toes. But the more she thought about it, the more it didn’t sound right coming out of Cordelia’s mouth. If Lily said no, she was dooming Cordelia before she even had the chance to know her, a sort of conditioned reflex. She thought about what Misty had said, about how this place could be good for her, but it certainly wouldn’t be if every time Cordelia spoke her full name a chill ran down her spine. But that had never bothered her before, so why was this place so different? Lily was finding it harder and harder to deny that she actually liked Cordelia, as much as she wished she didn’t.

She noticed Cordelia staring, realizing she had been quiet for far too long, so she quickly decided to just say to hell with it all. “Lily’s fine.” She said quietly, watching Cordelia’s eyes go soft as she smiled.

“Alright, Lily it is.” She laughed, “Misty told you she was coming tonight, right?”

“Uh yea she did.” Lily said, biting her lip as Cordelia gazed at her curiously, “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“Why?” Cordelia asked, “I thought you said I would like her?”

“You will!” Lily said, “It’s not her I’m worried about. But… she’s bringing Madison.”

Cordelia let out a laugh as she gave the girl a knowing smirk, “Ah yes. Misty warned me she wasn’t a people person.”

“That’s a drastic understatement.” Lily groaned, her face set in a grimace.

“Lily, it’ll be fine. I’m sure she can’t be that bad.” Cordelia teased.

Lily looked at her doubtfully, then tried to think of a way to explain the girl without calling her a raging bitch. “Do you know Madison Montgomery?” Lily asked timidly.

“The asshole movie star who went to rehab?” Cordelia asked, furrowing her brow.

Lily let out a laugh, it didn’t seem like she was going to have to explain much, “Yea, that’s her.”

“Seriously?” Cordelia asked as Lily nodded, “I thought she disappeared.”

“She did, to New Orleans. She was shooting a movie out here and got fired, then her parents cut her off so she just stuck around.” Lily explained with a shrug, “She’s just as rude and snobby as you think she would be. It’s a lot, I don’t want her to scare you.”

“Well I think we’ve learned I don’t scare easy.” Cordelia joked, noticing Lily’s obvious hesitation, “It’s going to be fine, Lily, really. Don’t worry about it.”

After dinner, Lily offered to do the dishes like she did every night, but Cordelia insisted she could do them, sending Lily upstairs to “relax for a bit”. Lily didn’t think she had been relaxed a day in her life, but she still ducked her head and nodded, heading upstairs to change. She stared at her closet for a few moments before sighing, she had never really been good at this whole “good first impression” thing. The clothes she did have were either her school uniform or clothes she wouldn’t mind getting dirty, not nice clothes like she probably should have. She was always more focused on functionality, which seemed to be her downfall at the moment. She didn’t know why she cared so much, it’s not like these people would know her for very long anyways, but still, she didn’t want to look like a total slob.

She must have been staring at her color coded closet for too long, because just as she was pulling clothes out, the doorbell rang. Lily quickly flung off her clothes and tugged up a pair of jeans and a grey pullover sweater Madison had given her a year prior when the movie star was purging her closet, pulling her curly hair half up with a clip and attempting to slap on a bit of makeup. It wasn’t much, just some eyeliner, mascara and lip gloss, but it was still something.

“Lily!” the girl heard Cordelia call from downstairs, before she heard the woman whisper harshly, “Coco I mean it. Don’t bring it up and _don’t_ scare her.”

“First of all, fuck you. I am literally the least scary person like, _ever_. She’s going to love me.” Coco said adamantly as Lily walked down the stairs, pausing in the doorway. Cordelia spotted the girl immediately, looking past Coco and giving Lily a soft smile. Coco whipped around and practically shrieked, almost dropping her full glass of white wine as she clutched her chest. “Holy shit, you weren’t kidding.” Coco said to Cordelia before refocusing on the girl, “You’re quiet as a mouse.”

Cordelia grinned at the look of confusion on Lily’s face, laughing for a moment, “Coco, this is Lily.”

“You didn’t tell me your daughter was fucking hot, Cordelia.” Coco said as Lily’s eyes went wide, obviously slightly uncomfortable. “Well it’s nice to finally meet you!” Coco said excitedly, quickly moving towards Lily and wrapping her in a hug, startling the girl.

Lily glanced over questioningly at Cordelia, who had an apologetic look on her face as she mouthed out _sorry_, which made Lily laugh slightly. “It’s nice to meet you too.” Lily said politely as Coco finally pulled back.

“Oh, sorry. Are you not into hugs? Because I tend to get very touchy when I’m excited. Kind of puts people off.” Coco rambled, her original concern fading to babbling.

“It’s fine.” Lily said politely, noticing how Cordelia was staring intently at her.

“You changed?” The woman said after a moment, eyeing the foreign clothes on the girl.

“Uh, yea. I was covered in dirt from work.” Lily said timidly, pulling her sleeves over her hands and holding onto them tightly as she glanced down at the floor.

“Well you look adorable.” Coco gushed, “Seriously, I want that sweater.”

“Thank you.” Lily said, smiling softly. Cordelia could tell she was uncomfortable, but she appreciated Lily for even trying. Coco tended to come on a little strong, too strong at times, but the girl seemed to be handling it well.

Queenie, the receptionist, and Zoe, Cordelia’s assistant, arrived soon after and were also introduced, to which Lily exchanged similar pleasantries as she did with Coco. It was a strange group of girls, not exactly the group of friends Lily had expected for Cordelia, and their personalities were all wildly different. Coco was bubbly and overdramatic, Zoe was quiet and sweet, and Queenie was loud and fun and seemed to have a take-no-shit attitude. Lily was expecting to be bombarded with a million vague questions she didn’t know the answers to, but they really didn’t ask her anything, not even the classic ice breakers that Lily was forced to do in school. It occurred to Lily that Cordelia had probably warned them, after all she did insist that Coco didn’t scare her, but it was strange for the girl that they all were being so careful, even more so that Cordelia talked about her at all. What was the point of all of this if it wasn’t to show off her disadvantaged child?

Zoe had brought her 2-year-old golden retriever, Ella, with her, and Lily spent a good part of the beginning of the evening playing with her on the floor, which Cordelia seemed to take an interest in. Every time Lily would glance up Cordelia was staring at her, although she did try to quickly avert her gaze every time Lily would lift her head, presumably so the girl wouldn’t get self-conscious. Cordelia couldn’t help but stare at her, it was the first time she had seen Lily give a genuine smile, even if it was to a dog.

Eventually, much to Lily’s dismay, the conversation turned to her, and she braced for the countless questions about foster care that were about to be fired her way, but they never came. They asked her about the shop, which Lily was more than happy to talk about, and mainly about her hobbies and interests, although she didn’t exactly have many, before the conversation turned to her new school.

“I bet you are _thrilled_.” Coco teased, to which Lily laughed softly, “I would rather die than listen to Myrtle give that stupid speech on how men are undeserving of your virginity. If she had it her way we would all be lesbians.”

“Who’s Myrtle?” Lily asked as Cordelia shot her friend a look.

“She’s the principle- I’m sorry, the _headmistress_.” Coco droned, “Even thinking about that place gives me hives. I still can’t wear plaid to this day.”

“Do not scare her.” Cordelia scolded, “Myrtle is great.”

“You only think that because you were her favorite. She’s interesting at best.” Coco said mockingly, “I had to listen to that damn speech every time she caught me Jude Lawing it with some guy from the boy’s prep school, and we all know my virginity was _long_ gone.”

“Coco!” Cordelia groaned as her face turned bright red, quickly flicking her gaze to Lily, who was laughing like crazy, “She’s 14, she doesn’t need to be hearing about that.”

“She knows what sex is, babe. At least I’m not telling her _your_ stories.” Coco retorted before turning to Lily, “And trust me, I have _many_. So, if you ever need blackmail…”

“Stop that!” Cordelia yelled, swatting at Coco with a kitchen towel, “Lily, you didn’t hear that.”

Lily chuckled, “So you _both_ went there?”

“We sure did.” Coco laughed, “It used to be a boarding school and we both had the pleasure of being roommates, it’s where we met. Cordelia used to _hate _me.”

“That’s because you were always getting into trouble and dragging me down with you.” Cordelia retorted.

“Oh, please. You were just as bad as me, only difference is you acted like the good girl and didn’t get caught.” Coco fired back.

“I did not!” Cordelia said adamantly, “You were the one who kept sneaking boys in!”

“And you were the one who flirted with the guys at the liquor store so they would let us buy booze.” Coco shot back, making Cordelia blush, “Careful who you come for, I know _all_ your dirty little secrets.”

“So, Lily.” Zoe said loudly, deterring the amusing conversation, “Are you excited for school?”

“Uh, I guess.” Lily said carefully, not wanting to upset her foster mother, “I’m not much of a school person.”

“I don’t think anyone is.” Queenie said with a snicker.

“Seriously.” Zoe chimed in, “It was hard enough for me to get good grades in the classes I actually wanted to take, and the ones I didn’t? Forget about it.” She turned to Lily, “Don’t worry. It gets much better once you’re in college and can actually pick what you want to do. Have your teachers started hounding you yet?”

“Uh, not really.” Lily said quietly as she ducked her head.

“Seriously?” Zoe asked, “My teachers started asking me what I wanted to do with my life when I was like eight. Apparently a rockstar is not an adequate choice.”

“Neither is a professional napper.” Coco joked, “What about you Lily, what do you want to be?”

Lily glanced up and saw everyone looking at her, Cordelia staring at her intensely, her curiosity peaked. Lily might not be open to questions from her, but she seemed to do better when others asked them, even if it just was that she was being polite. “Uhm, I’m not sure yet.” Lily said hesitantly, hoping her answer was enough to satisfy the women and turn the conversation away from her.

Queenie was quick to cut in, “Keeping your options open. I like it.”

The rest of the group continued on with their chit chat in the kitchen, but Cordelia continued to stare at her for a moment longer, like she was trying to figure out where this piece of useless information fit into Lily’s puzzle. It wasn’t that Lily had never thought about what she wanted to do, but with being in foster care and kicked out the second she turned 18, it left her with limited options. More than likely, she wouldn’t be able to even think about college. Yes, the government paid for college if you remained in the system until you aged out. But that didn’t cover living expenses, just the school itself, and Lily couldn’t really see herself being able to manage working two jobs and going to school full time. She maybe could do school part time, but at that point it just seemed like a waste.

While the women all seemed nice, Lily felt incredibly out of place. From the sounds of it, all the women had gone to college, and Lily had managed to deduce that at the very least Coco and Cordelia came from wealthy families. They talked about dinner parties and charity events. Cordelia, Zoe, and Queenie all worked at the same law firm, but Coco was an interior designer, and she groaned about everything from furniture fabric to the quality of marble counter tops. Lily checked her phone, wondering where Misty was, and saw a text from that very woman telling her they would be late, apparently Madison couldn’t decide on an outfit, which didn’t surprise Lily one bit.

Once the rest of the girls arrived they all moved from the kitchen to the living room, and Lily was surprised that her friends, except for Madison, seemed to blend in well with the group. Cordelia grabbed Misty instantly to talk about using the flower shop for their future work events, and Coco seemed to hit it off with Mallory, which left Lily to deal with Madison, who did not want to be there. “Is that my sweater?” Madison asked as Lily nodded, “Damn if I knew it looked that good I never would have gotten rid of it.”

“Do you want it back?” Lily asked, Madison rolling her eyes.

“No offense, but I don’t know where that has been. I’ll just buy a new one, you can keep it.” Madison sneered, before quickly moving on to complain about her ruined plans for that night.

Lily listened to the girl whine for about an hour before she started to get fed up. She’d always had a high tolerance for Madison’s diva bullshit, but even she had her limits. Normally, she would have snapped at Madison to keep her in line, but with Cordelia hovering so close by she really didn’t feel comfortable, and that meant Madison was able to drag on for as long as she wanted.

“So bored now.” Madison groaned once Lily had just given up on responding all together.

“Madison, it’s one night. Just chill, please?” Lily begged, hoping no one in close proximity was paying any attention to what the movie star was saying. She quickly glanced around and saw Queenie staring at her, obviously overhearing the whole thing, and she immediately breaking eye contact, desperately wishing she could go upstairs to hide. In a way she did love Madison, but she definitely wasn’t someone Lily would ever bring around people when she was trying to make a good first impression. She was the type of friend you never introduced to your parents. She was crass and cruel, and while it could be hilarious, in the wrong environment it just made your skin crawl.

“What? The only reason I’m here is because I’m doing you a favor. I could be shitfaced at a bar right now with my hand down some hot guy’s pants, but no. I had to come play house guest.” Madison sneered, “The least you could do is let me bitch about it.”

“No one’s stopping you from leaving.” Queenie said harshly, and Lily was certain that being swallowed up by a black hole would be an absolute dream, her face going pale, “If you want to go then by all means, princess.”

“Was I talking to you?” Madison sneered, standing up.

“No I’ve just been listening to you bitch for the last hour.” Queenie sneered back, “If you don’t want to be here then don’t. Walk your skinny white ass out the door and go find something better to do.”

Madison rolled her eyes and muttered something snarky under her breath, Lily quickly jumping in with a warning, “Madison…” The blonde didn’t say it loud enough for anyone to hear, but that really didn’t seem to matter, it wasn’t hard to fill in the blanks.

“Do you ever shut the fuck up?” Queenie said loudly as she got in Madison’s face, grabbing the attention of everyone in the room as Lily tried to make herself as small as possible. If it were any other place, with any other people, Lily would have stepped in to break it up. Madison was known for causing trouble wherever she went, and it usually fell on Misty or Lily to do damage control, but in this house Lily felt her normal confidence slipping away. All she could do was sit terrified and pray for it to be over.

While everyone else was staring at Queenie and Madison, Cordelia found herself to be watching Lily, despite the two girls screaming. She saw the petrified look on the girl’s face and immediately knew this was exactly what she was afraid of. The girl wasn’t even looking at the yelling girls, she was just staring blankly, and for a moment she flicked her gaze to Cordelia, almost as if she expected the woman to be glaring back at her, which only made Cordelia’s heart sink. Why would she be blamed for the actions of another? Cordelia knew it was more complicated than that, that Lily had been blamed for things like this her entire life, but it wasn’t her responsibility. She couldn’t control the people around her, as much as everyone expected her to. Hell, she didn’t even want Madison to come.

Eventually, Mallory was the one to step in, excusing herself from Coco in order to take care of the situation, dragging the movie star outside as Zoe convinced Queenie to go take the dog out with her in the yard. Cordelia was about to go talk to Lily, but Misty was quick to stammer out an apology, “I’m sorry ‘bout that. Madison’s…”

“It’s fine, I’m not worried about it.” Cordelia laughed, “Queenie isn't exactly known for keeping her cool, that’s why she keeps our clients in line.”

Misty still wasn’t convinced, shaking her head, “I knew I shouldn’t’a brought her. She needs ta be kept on a leash.”

“Misty.” Cordelia said, forcing the florist to look at her, “It’s fine, really. I wanted you here, movie star and all.”

Meanwhile, Coco had taken it upon herself to relocate, sitting next to Lily on the couch. “Well that was something.” She joked, cracking a smile.

“Uh, yea. I’m sorry about that.” Lily said hesitantly, feeling like she had to apologize for even knowing the girl.

Coco dismissed her with a wave of her hand, “Don’t apologize, it’s not _your_ fault. Plus, things can get boring around here, we need a little entertainment.” Lily offered a half-hearted smile, and Coco was quick to lean in, “Listen, I know Cordelia didn’t want me to say anything, but thank you for helping her with Hank. You’re seriously like my new favorite person.”

Lily’s eyes went wide, dread filling her stomach. “She told you about that?” She asked quietly, her voice wavering.

Coco didn’t seem to notice, “Duh, she tells me everything. Seriously, you are a rock star. She needs someone who has her back.”

Lily was downright confused. She thought for sure the second Cordelia said anything about it her friends would be screaming how Lily must be some sort of psychopath. But Coco _thanked_ her? She looked for any hint of malice on the woman’s face, but Coco just smiled at her, then turned her attention to a giggling Cordelia and Misty. “Wow, they really seem to be hitting it off.” Coco said, narrowing her eyes a little bit in mock annoyance, “You know, I should be jealous since she’s my best friend. But honestly, I’m too drunk to care.”

Lily let out a laugh, “I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Misty has the personality of a puppy dog; she gets along with everyone.”

“Honestly, if they were gay they would make such a hot couple.” Coco said offhandedly, before spotting Mallory and gently squeezing Lily’s knee as she stood from the couch and rejoined her new friend.

Lily didn’t know what she expected when she met Cordelia’s friends, but it certainly wasn’t this. She expected them to maybe be snobby or judgy, to ask too many questions and push when they didn’t get the answers they wanted. She didn’t expect them to be so kind and accepting and so, normal? Not normal, they definitely weren’t normal. No normal person would thank a teenager for threatening to stab someone, even if it was an ex.

Why was all this so confusing? Lily wasn’t used to being wrong, especially about people’s intentions. But what if she wasn’t wrong? What if they were just good at hiding behind the bullshit? The girl headed to the kitchen to grab a glass of water, hoping it would stop her from overthinking and give her even a second of reprieve.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case, and only a few moments later, Queenie came strolling into the room. “Your friend is a piece of work.”

“I’m sorry.” Lily said quickly as she ducked her head, shocked when Queenie started to snicker.

“Well it isn’t your fault. I just can’t see how you put up with that.” Queenie laughed, Lily laughing lightly in return.

“Under all that ice queen bitchiness is a heart. I just haven’t found it yet.” Lily joked, “Also I usually tell her to fuck off.”

Queenie let out another laugh, “Damn, you got jokes.”

“Thanks.” Lily said with a small smile.

“You’ve been here about a week, right?” Queenie asked, Lily nodding in return, “Going to a new house always used to scare the shit out of me.” Lily furrowed her brow, so Queenie moved to explain, “I was a foster kid. Went through eight different houses before I aged out.” Lily’s gaze softened as she gave a small nod. “You’re scared, aren’t you?” Queenie asked, Lily giving a shrug.

“Scared isn’t exactly how I would describe it. This place beats every other house I’ve been to, at least so far.” Lily said honestly.

Queenie nodded knowingly before a smirk crept onto her lips, “What do you guys call these placements? I know y’all have a name for them.” Lily bit her lip, obviously not wanting to reveal the name to her foster mother’s friend, “That bad huh? We used to call them “Annie Schemes”. Rich people looking for something to make them believe they were good people. It was just charity work, the kids I knew that got those placements hated them, but at least they got nice clothes.”

Lily felt a little more at ease, so she indulged the woman’s curiosity, “We call them pitty placements.”

“That fits. Damn y’all got the alliteration and everything.” Queenie said with a laugh, “I told Cordelia when she told me that she was doing this that any kid she got was going to think that’s what this was, but she didn’t believe me.”

“So you’re saying that’s not what this is?” Lily said carefully as she looked over at the taller woman.

“Nah.” Queenie said confidently, “Cordelia couldn’t give a fuck how it looks to other people. She’s in it for real, no half-assed bullshit.” Lily gave a hesitant nod, not really sure if she should believe this woman or her gut, but Queenie eyed her knowingly, “You don’t believe me?” Lily gave a shrug, so Queenie continued with a laugh, “Shit, I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t believe me either, but you’ll figure it out.”

“Yea, I guess.” Lily said awkwardly.

“I’m gonna be honest with you. Cordelia is one of the best people I know, to the point it’s fucking annoying as hell sometimes, but she’s a real one.” Queenie said unabashedly.

Lily let out a laugh, “Did she send you in here to be her hype man?”

Queenie let out a cackle, “Fuck no. I’m not into that fake shit. If people want my praise they have to earn it, and she earned it. She’s the only reason I got hired at the firm, and she put me up in her guest room for six weeks until I was able to afford an apartment.”

“That’s great.” Lily said with a small smile. She wasn’t exactly sure what to do here, but then again she never was really sure what to do. Queenie seemed to sense this, eyeing the girl carefully. “What?” Lily asked, Queenie shaking her head.

“Nothing,” Queenie began, “It’s just with the way Cordelia was talking, I was expecting you to be like some prize fighter or that scary girl from _The Ring_, but you aren’t scary at all.”

Lily let out a laugh, “I can be, I guess.”

Queenie moved to say something, but looked behind the girl and quickly closed her mouth, causing Lily to look behind her and spot Cordelia with an empty wine glass in hand, narrowing her eyes playfully at the two girls, “And what would you two be up to?”

Queenie let out a snort, “What does it look like? We’re talking.”

“Apparently a novel concept for me.” Lily teased lightly, Cordelia chuckling as she gave a smirk.

“About what?” Cordelia asked.

“Prize fighters and that girl from _The Ring_.” Lily responded, Cordelia staring at the girl, intrigued.

“What?” She asked, Lily and Queenie sharing a smirk.

“Don’t worry about it.” Queenie snickered.

Cordelia moved to uncork the wine bottle and chatted with Queenie for a moment, watching Lily fidget a bit in her peripheral vision, and she briefly wondered if her mere presence was enough to put the girl on edge. After all, she seemed fine only minutes before, but once she saw Lily bite her lip, she knew it had to be something else. She pulled the same face before, when they were talking about Hank, almost like she was afraid to say something. Eventually, the conversation with Queenie wound down and Cordelia set her sights on Lily, offering the girl a small smile. “And how are you doing?” She asked, knowing the night could easily be overwhelming for the teen.

“I’m ok.” Lily said quietly, shuffling her feet. “Um, would it be ok if I showed Misty the greenhouse?” She asked hesitantly, like she was afraid that even posing the question was overstepping.

Cordelia couldn’t help the soft smile that creeped on her lips. “Of course, sweetheart!” She said, not trying to come off as overenthusiastic. It was a simple question, but it was progress, a sign that Lily was beginning to trust her, even if it was just a bit.

With a small thank you and a smile, Lily headed off to find Misty, which allowed Cordelia to focus on her friend. “What were you two really talking about?” Cordelia asked, Queenie shooting her a look.

“Exactly what we said.” Queenie shot back.

Cordelia threw her a doubtful look, “I don’t believe that.”

Queenie rolled her eyes and gave a chuckle, “Well you should. You know I ain’t no snitch. We got a strict code, Miss C.”

Cordelia rolled her eyes, but nodded. “Alright, alright. I get it.”

Queenie smirked, “But as your friend, you got nothing to worry about.”

Cordelia smiled, “Really? Did you scope out my child?”

Queenie gave a nod, “You forget, I grew up with kids like her, and my guts never wrong. She’s not crazy, she’s just a kid who’s been put through some shit.”

Cordelia rolled her eyes playfully but nodded, reaching to squeeze the younger woman’s arm. “Thank you.” She said gratefully.

“I got your back.” Queenie said, the two sharing a smile before they rejoined the group.

Meanwhile, Lily had practically dragged Misty out to the greenhouse, knowing she would love it. The two spent a few moments looking around and giggling back and forth about Madison almost getting her ass kicked, both saying they wished Queenie had just done it and put the brat in her place.

“So how did your night go?” Lily asked pointedly, giving the florist a playful nudge.

Misty rolled her eyes, “It went fine. Dee’s really sweet.”

“Dee?” Lily said with a laugh, “You have a nickname for her now?”

Misty narrowed her eyes, nudging the girl back, “Yea, I do. Is that a problem?”

“Nope.” Lily said with a laugh, Misty shaking her head.

“What was this? A house?” Misty asked, Lily looking around for a moment.

“Yea, I think so. The house is pretty old. I think Cordelia said it was built in the 1800’s?” Lily said.

“Probably kept the help then.” Misty said with a shake of her head, Lily nodding.

“Did Madison leave?” the girl asked, curious.

Misty let out a laugh, “Yea, went off ta the bar alone.”

“That sounds like a terrible idea.” Lily stated, Misty shaking her head.

“Look, I’m sorry for bringin’ her, I know that stressed ya out. I told her ta be on her best behavior and I thought she would listen.” Misty apologized, Lily smirking.

“Please, that _was_ Madison’s best behavior.” Lily laughed.

“I’m surprised ya didn’t tell her ta fuck off.” Misty joked.

“Yea, I didn’t think that would’ve gone over very well here.” Lily responded.

“Why not?” Misty asked, cocking her head to the side, “It’s what ya normally do.”

Lily shrugged, “A little different circumstances here.”

Misty nodded, smiling sheepishly, “Yea, probably shoulda thought about that. Sorry.”

Lily waved her off, “It’s fine. It worked out ok this time. Just don’t think she’ll be invited back anytime soon.”

Later, after Misty left, Lily headed off to bed herself, bidding everyone goodnight as she went. She felt bad for ducking out early, everyone seemed to be having a good time, but it was already close to midnight and Lily was used to waking up at the butt crack of dawn, so she was exhausted. Still, she felt weird, and she couldn’t understand why. Nothing bad had happened, the night actually went well, and it was then Lily realized she didn’t feel that gnawing feeling that always seemed to take up residence in her chest. Actually, she almost felt _good_. Lily felt stupid for being confused by the feeling, she should have been happy that she felt good, but it was unfamiliar territory for her. She was used to just surviving, taking it day by day and never questioning the hollow feeling that she had known for so long, but now she felt… lighter, almost. Like the world wasn’t pressing down on her shoulders, like for once in her entire life, she wasn’t struggling to breathe or barely keeping her head above water. Things just felt easier, and Lily wasn’t sure if she liked it. She should have liked it; it was a feeling she had wished for ever since she was a child. But knowing it wasn’t permanent, knowing it was fleeting and six months from now it would be a memory, knowing she would be back with her mother and fighting with everything she had just to stay sane, just to stay _alive_, that was terrifying.

She couldn’t keep denying the fact that she actually liked Cordelia, that the woman really was _just nice_. She had fought with herself and pushed as hard as she could, but it was exhausting. Hope was dangerous, Lily knew that, but this wasn’t hope. Hope was the idea that she would never have to return to her mother, that she could stay with Cordelia forever and never have to pack her bags and leave, but Lily knew better. She wasn’t hopeful, but with each passing day, the idea of letting Cordelia in seemed easier. Would it really be so hard? Didn’t Lily deserve even a bit of happiness? She had fought it off, not wanting to hurt herself in the long run, but what would hurt more? Would it be letting her in and losing her, or would it be fighting it and missing out on the once chance she had?

Lily tried to write about it, but she couldn’t. She didn’t know how to write about the good things, all she knew was pain. She threw her journal to the floor and dove under the covers, willing herself to not cry as the tears dripped down her face. This was stupid, it all was stupid. She shouldn’t be crying because she was happy. But she wasn’t crying because she was happy, she was crying because she knew she was going to lose it, which meant she already was attached. She had been there less than a week, how the hell did that happen? She already was fucked and she didn’t even realize it. _Stupid, stupid, stupid. _Cordelia hardly knew anything about her, yet here she was, crying because she would have to leave. She hadn’t cried in years, like actually cried, but here she was sobbing like a baby. She thought she was stronger than this. Cordelia could still send her away without warning, Lily wasn’t even sure if she liked her. Who would? She was the fucked up foster kid who couldn’t even hold a normal conversation. But still, Lily knew the woman was trying, was at least giving her a fair shot, and that was already more than any of her other foster parents had done. Was Lily really the type who got attached the second someone showed her even a bit of kindness? She tossed and turned, her mind racing for what felt like hours until sleep finally granted her a reprieve.

Meanwhile, Cordelia, Zoe, Coco, and Queenie were still chatting in the living room, trying to avoid bringing up the girl in case she was still awake. “Lily seems sweet.” Zoe said in a quiet voice, “You were right though, she’s very quiet.”

Cordelia nodded as she took a sip of wine, “Yeah, she’s getting better about it though. I think tonight is the most she’s talked since she’s been here. It’s just a slow process, I guess.” She glanced up to see the girls all giving her the same look, “What?”

“Girl, you made her sound like she was a titan.” Queenie said boldly, the other girls giggling and nodding in agreement.

“Because she was acting like one!” Cordelia said defensively, “And I said I thought it was an act! She was on her best behavior tonight.”

“She still didn’t say much.” Zoe interjected.

Cordelia nodded, “I think she’s just shy? I don’t know. This is all still very new to me.”

“Well I love her.” Coco stated, the other girls knowing exactly why and snickering.

“Of course you do.” Cordelia teased, rolling her eyes.

“What’s the deal with her mom?” Queenie asked.

“I don’t know. I still haven’t gotten her to talk to me much. I know some of it from her file, but not the specifics.” Cordelia admitted, “I don’t want to pressure her into talking about it, it’s probably hard for her.”

“What do you know?” Coco asked, “Sorry, I’m just being nosey.”

Cordelia sighed, “I know she’s been in and out of the system since she was three. She’s gone back to her mom a few times, but it hasn’t stuck for very long for a multitude of reasons. Mental illness, abuse, neglect, drugs… the last time they found an unregistered gun. I think she’s in jail right now.”

“Is she supposed to be getting out soon?” Zoe asked, Cordelia shrugging.

“I don’t know. I’m supposed to have a meeting with her social worker next week to discuss all of that. All I really know right now is just what’s in her file.” Cordelia explained, “She doesn’t really like me asking questions. I don’t think she wants me to know anything about her at all.”

“Give it time, I’m sure she’ll warm up.” Coco said encouragingly, “I’m sure she’s just scared.”

“Do I come off as scary?” Cordelia asked, the girls snickering, “I’m being serious. Do I? Because I feel like I’ve tried everything and it’s just not working.”

“Cordelia, you are fine. It probably has nothing to do with you.” Queenie said, “She grew up being tossed around, and if it’s a possibility that her mom could get her back, she probably doesn’t want to risk getting attached.”

“You would think she would be thrilled to have someone who actually cares, even if it’s just for a little while.” Coco said, Queenie shaking her head.

“You grew up with parents who love you. This girl has zero stability and she’s learned to live with it. It’s not that she doesn’t want to get attached, everyone wants someone who loves them, it’s that she can’t. I made that mistake once, and it broke my heart when I had to leave. It’s like the worst breakup you’ve ever had times a thousand. I never got over it.” Queenie explained, “Foster kids can’t afford to just live in the moment, because at any second they could be sent somewhere else. I was always thinking about when I would have to leave, and I didn’t even have a living parent. I can only imagine what it’s like for her, at least I had the hope that I could be adopted, she doesn’t even have that.”

“Couldn’t her mom give up her rights though?” Coco asked, Queenie nodding.

“Yea, she could. But if she hasn’t given them up by now, you really think she’s going to?” Queenie responded.

“Well Cordelia could always take her to court over it. If Lily says she wants to stay, then I doubt a judge wouldn’t terminate her rights.” Zoe said.

“Woah, slow down. She’s been here less than a week. I haven’t even thought about adoption yet.” Cordelia said, the girls shooting her a look.

“Delia, please. You couldn’t stop staring at her all night. We know you’re already obsessed with her.” Coco said bluntly.

“I wasn’t staring at her all night.” Cordelia said defensively, “I just wanted to make sure we weren’t all overwhelming her.”

“Cordi, when she asked if she could show Misty the greenhouse you practically wagged your tail. I thought you were going to tackle her to the ground.” Queenie snickered, “You are so down for her.”

Cordelia bit her lip, “You all can leave at anytime.”

**Author's Note:**

> I know the whole lawyer/flower shop thing is super unoriginal but it fits them perfectly, so sorry not sorry.


End file.
